Superman
by FortuneandCathfernaTH
Summary: Shawn isn't invincible, but he's good at convincing everyone he is. ShawnxLassiter. WARNINGS: Includes cutting
1. Nine Sleepless Nights

Another sleepless night, Shawn thought to himself as he opened the door to the Psych office and violently threw a pill bottle across the room.

What good were sleeping pills if they didn't fucking work! He hadn't slept in nine days, and it was driving him crazy, though he knew it wasn't the sleeping pills fault.

It was all because of the night terrors…

The moment he closed his eyes, he was back at the drive in theater, eyes zoning in on the bomb in popcorn on his mother's lap.

All of a sudden there was Yang, waving the detonator in his face.

"_You lose Shawn," _she would say venomously, licking her lips as she lifted her iphone to reveal not only was there a bomb on his mom, but also strapped to the back of Lassie's gun holster, he was shocked he hadn't seen it before.

"_No, not Lassie too," _Shawn's voice echoed desperately in his dream.

"_Yes Shawn, Lassie too. Don't think I didn't know about your feelings for him. I need you to love me Shawn, I can't let him get in the way," _she would reply before pressing the button and laughing.

"_No!" _

And that's when Shawn would wake up, puke, and weep in the corner of his room, until he convinced himself of reality and the impossibility of putting a bomb on the back of a gun holster without anyone noticing it.

In the day time Shawn could function without problem, he was able to busy his mind to the next case, to nachos, Jerky Chicken, and Gus, all the while thinking pleasantly on Lassiter.

The lack of distraction in the night was killing Shawn however…

He never told Gus or his father about these night terrors, nor anyone else for that matter, he just suffered the nights alone.

On the first night of the dream Shawn didn't do anything except weep and shake until he fell asleep against the corner, and was awoken in the middle of the nightmare by his phone.

The second night, Shawn avoided sleep by two hours, and like a curse it came back.

That night, the dream added Gus to the death list, and terrified Shawn to the point that he didn't go back to sleep, instead he let the tears fall until they had no H2O left, and then just sat there, watching as the sun rose in the window.

By the third night, Shawn fought sleep every second, until exhaustion had pulled him into the dream and actually trapped him in it.

The button was pressed; and explosions were suddenly all around him; so consumed by terror that he didn't question why the fire didn't burn.

"_Mom! Lassiter! Gus!" _Shawn shouted in his dream, as the explosions dimmed into smoke, and he opened his eyes to first find his mother's chest hollowed out by the blast, revealing her torn lungs, and heart beating three times before it finally stopped.

That's as far as Shawn let the dream take him; as he woke up drenched in sweat and rushed to the bathroom.

He couldn't get the vision out his head that time… And he just collapsed against the bathroom counter, hyperventilating and trying to focus on the ceiling.

Each time he blinked the visions came back, and it made Shawn's stomach twist more. He was desperate for them to stop; he needed them to stop, and his hand just lunged at the razor atop his sink, pulling it apart until it was separated into five blades. Then he clutched one of the loose blades in his hand and somehow decided subconsciously to dig into his legs.

As he dug in; the pain of the visions disappeared and he felt emotional release, as the blood trickled down from the wound that went from the top of his knee to the edge of his ankle, relaxing him.

As daylight rose again, to find Shawn now clamping down on the wound with a towel as it finished bleeding, the blood loss seemed to clear his head enough to realize he couldn't make the cutting a habit. He knew there was no way in hell he was dreaming _that _again.

No way in hell.

The fourth night the dream didn't progress further; but Juliet was now added to Yang's list of victims, and it ended the same way, Shawn on his bathroom floor adding another cut to his leg, then with him promising himself he'd never do it again as he clutched his leg with a towel.

By the fifth night, the dream was much more aggressive in its collecting of victims. Now, Chief Vick, his father, Abigail, and even Buzz were all somehow slipped bombs without them knowing, the button was pressed, and Shawn was suddenly surrounded by smoke again.

That night Shawn had carved his leg without restraint, just enough to draw blood, not deep like the other two. Stopping the razor just an inch above his right leg right after his seventh cut that night, his actions dawned on him, and he threw the blade across the room and watched it land in his bathtub.

It wasn't working; the dreams were getting worse, and every time they did, Shawn got worse, and the lack of sleep was taking its toll on him in the daytime. Gus commented of course, but Shawn easily redirected his concerns elsewhere, and then a few hours later dropped a question of how one might ward off night terrors.

"Well if therapy is not an option, there is the possibility of using the drug Prazosin, though it's usually used to treat high blood pressure. Why do you ask?" Gus asked suspicious.

"Friend on skype is having problems with night terrors, he doesn't want anybody to know he's having them though," Shawn lied easily, before moving the conversation to gumi bears.

When Gus departed for his "real job" Shawn did further research on his computer. Apparently Prazosin had harsh side effects such as thinking impairment, dizziness, and fainting, and if he was going to continue his psychic act he couldn't walk around impaired. So that threw that idea out the window.

He determined later that day that if there was nothing to cut himself with, he wouldn't cut himself. So even if he had the dream again, he wouldn't try to murder his legs, so he got rid of all razors and knives.

That sixth night however, the dream did return, and this time blood was splattering against him as his mother's bomb went off then smoke again, then there was Shawn awake again.

Lost in a state of panic after he vomited yet again, Shawn searched desperately for something to draw blood, and after finding nothing, Shawn looked into the mirror, lifted his fist, and punched the glass making it break into large shards.

Snatching one of the shards with a separate hand; Shawn sunk down to the floor rolled up his pant leg and began to cut again.

He did all this in a kind of out of body haze; and hadn't realized what he'd done, until thirty minutes later when he caught hold of his panic and looked down and found blood staining his bathroom mat.

This wasn't working at all.

That day Shawn worked out, that if he could just get enough sleep to alleviate his stress of lack of sleep, he might stop the need to shred his legs. He would have to deal with being trapped in a nightmare, but he decided ultimately, dreams couldn't kill him no matter how gruesome they got, but blood loss and possible infection could. Only problem was that now he needed a way not to wake up from the dream.

Shawn knew there was one way to get and stay asleep, and the answer to that was sleeping pills, and there was even a place he could get them.

Gus's sample bag. It was chalk full of a variety of sleeping pills, and he left behind the bag when he went on that company field trip that same morning.

It had to work, he was desperate for them to.

The seventh, eighth, and ninth night were all nights of pure insomnia, in which he found himself in crippling depression until sunrise.

But that wasn't the case today.

That was how he ended up here.

When the sun had rose; Shawn was still fighting the pains of his nighttime depression, he'd even gone so far as to consider cutting his legs again, which was normally only triggered when he had the dream.

He held his sleeve to his mouth as he paced around the office, sweating and eyes darting left and right.

"I need sleep…" Shawn said to himself. "I need sleep…"

His eyes suddenly rested on the pill bottle he'd originally tossed aside, and snatched it up again in his hands.

Maybe if he just took two pills it would work.

He popped two pills into his mouth, and continued to pace around waiting for their effect.

Ten minutes went by; and Shawn had forgotten if he'd taken the two pills or not, he popped in two more pills. Another five minutes he forgot again, popping two more, five minutes later same thing, until the entire bottle of 24 pills was gone.

Shawn's vision began to haze then, and every other step he took he stumbled, his sweating became even worse from before, and finally becoming dizzy to the point of needing to lie down.

Even in his drug haze he knew he was not stable enough to make it to the couch. Clutching the edge of his desk Shawn attempted to ease his way down to the floor into a sitting position, then leaning back until he was staring at the ceiling.

His lungs stung with pain as he breathed in and out with slow breaths, struggling to fulfill the need of oxygen, and making his vision worse.

As he lied there on the floor struggling to breath, his eyes began to close on the edge of blackness.

The last thing Shawn heard was a car door slam shut and footsteps approach the entrance to the office.

Then he was lost to blackness.


	2. How much more authorized can I get?

AN: Hey guys! I was so touched by your responses to my story that I decided to give you guys the second chapter earlier than I was planning. You can expect updates every Friday starting next week. Also, I'm looking for a beta reader, so if you're interested let me know!

Enjoy! ~FortuneandCathfernaTH

Lassiter shut the door to his car and locked it with the automatic keys with some annoyance.

He was sent down here by the Chief, claiming that Spencer had been over three days not answering any of her phone calls. She made a habit to call all of her consultants at least once a week to make sure they were okay and not strapped to a bomb somewhere. Knowing Shawn he just forgot to turn his phone on again, but when he told Vick this, she told him to go and check on him anyway, claiming to have a bad feeling.

After driving past Shawn's "apartment" the Fluff n Fold, and not seeing his motorcycle, Lassiter determined that he was at the psych office. He was right; his motorcycle was in the closest available space.

Opening the door to the office, Lassiter began to feel uneasy. He always felt nervous around Spencer alone, but this was different, and the feeling only increased with every step he made toward main office area.

"Spencer?" Lassiter called. "We haven't been able to reach you down at the department! If you do one responsible thing it should be to remember to turn on your phone, Spencer."

There was no response, which was abnormal for Shawn. He quickly drew his weapon and began to scan the area for anyone who might have Shawn at gunpoint, inching carefully.

"Shawn Spencer!" Lassiter called again more insistently once he finally reached the main office, only to drop his gun to the ground, when he found Shawn collapsed on the floor.

"Shawn!" Lassiter shouted rushing to his side and checking for a pulse.

It was still there thank god! Though his breathing seemed challenged.

That's when Lassiter spied the pill bottle in his hand.

"Dear god no!" Lassiter begged snatching the bottle and opening it to find it completely empty. "Shit!" Was all Lassiter said before he put one arm under Shawn's knees and another under his back and picked Shawn up bridal stile, and then began to rush him to the car.

He put him down briefly on the pavement to open the car door, then picked Shawn back up and strapped him into the vehicle in a blurring speed. He dashed to the driver's side of the car turned on his sirens, sped out of the parking lot in the direction of the hospital, and snatched his radio.

"This is Detective Lassiter, I have a male mid-thirties, 5'10", suffering from an overdose of sleeping pills, the time of ingestion is unknown. He is unconscious. I am transporting him to Santa Barbra Hospital ER; I need the paramedics ready for him!" Lassiter demanded into the radio, increasing his speed.

"Confirmed," the woman on the other end replied as Lassiter made a violent turn around the corner.

Lassiter didn't identify Shawn's name on the radio, for no reason other than his gut was telling him not to. He quizzed his memory on the attitude and actions of Shawn the past four weeks, looking for any subtle clues of thoughts on suicide. There were no signs at all.

It was no comfort on Lassiter that he could find none, and by the way Shawn had been clutching the bottle in his collapse, said he definitely did this to himself and it wasn't planted. But why?

What would have driven Shawn to do this? What was going through Shawn's head that he couldn't work through?

Why didn't he say something was bothering him?

He pulled into the emergency entrance where a doctor and several nurses were waiting for them with a stretcher. Coming to a screeching halt and lifting Shawn out of the seat again to put him in the stretcher, he began to follow the nurses as they quickly ran into the building with Shawn, promising to come back for the paperwork later.

'I don't know why you did this Shawn…' Lassiter thought to himself as he ran. 'But I swear to god I'll help you…'

He followed Shawn up until the last second, determined to be by his side the entire time, but was stopped by a nurse who put hand his chest.

"I'm sorry sir only authorized personal beyond this door," The nurse said to him.

"I'm head detective of the SBPD! How much more authorized can I get?" Lassiter demanded brushing the Nurse's hand off his chest.

"You may see him after he is done with treatment, until then any further interaction could harm him further," she informed him as Lassiter's face went pale and he stepped back.

"Okay fine, but you sure as hell had better call me as soon as I can see him!" He ordered watching as the nurse nodded and disappeared into the room that locked him away from a person he considered friend on the other side.

"Please let him be okay," Lassiter whispered.


	3. Not Even the Hobo Down the street!

Thank you all again for your lovely reviews! They certainly cheer me up with all the crap I've been going through!

The beta reader position is still open, and I could use someone who is especially proficient in grammar, as it is honestly not my strong point. I want to keep this story great, so let me know if you're interested, via Personal Message. Also, please don't hesitate on pointing out mistakes! I want to this story to make as many readers happy as I can.

Enjoy! ~FortuneandCathfernaTH

* * *

It was forty agonizing minutes until the doctor came to greet him in the waiting room.

He looked to the doctor's expressions for clues, his mouth was flat, his eyebrows following its example, but his eyes were locked with his as he finished walking in.

Lassiter felt his stomach sink.

"Well the treatment was successful, and it seems like he'll avoid any long term damage. You brought him in just in time," the nameless doctor assured him.

He let the captured air out of his lungs.

"He… Hadn't been answering his phone for the past three days… I went to go check on him, so I didn't know when he ingested them…" Lassiter explained fighting the stinging lump in his throat.

"Was there any evidence that he was depressed?" Lassiter asked. All through the forty minutes he prayed it was an accidental overdose, because Shawn just didn't seem to have a reason to be suicidal. Then again why would Shawn be taking sleeping pills? He was no insomniac.

But then; maybe he was. For someone he claimed to be friend in the private corners of his mind, he honestly didn't know that much about him outside the department.

"His legs were all cut up," the doctor explained and Lassiter had to blink back tears forming on the edges of his eyelids.

Shawn had done this to himself. The evidence lined up, but Lassiter barely believed it.

I mean this was _Shawn_! Nothing ever upset him. He faced guns pushed up against his face with a smirk; he thoughtlessly jumped into dangerous situations with the only thought of completing the case. Not even being kidnapped put him through PTSD, hell he'd even won the "game" with Yang, with his mother strapped to a bomb and come out okay where others later spent at least five months in therapy.

That's when it hit him like a bullet.

Every detective involved in any part of Yang's game came out shell shocked. Even Lassiter had to take a couple of weeks off after the Yang incident, and he wasn't even the one targeted.

It was Shawn who was targeted.

But Yang was over three and a half years ago, they'd even caught Ying, and Carlton was a firm believer that time healed all wounds.

"He's still asleep, but you may go see him now. He'll need someone with him for a couple of days; sometimes intense depression is experienced only when no one is around."

Boy did Lassiter know that one.

"Thank you doctor, listen, do me a favor and make sure all of this stays quiet," Lassiter requested as he stood from his chair.

"Don't go to the press you mean?" The doctor assumed, it was obvious he knew this was the famed psychic detective.

"No. I mean this event doesn't leave this building. This does not go to the chief, this does not go to his father, this doesn't even go to the hobo down the street, or I will arrest you for violation of privacy, understand?"

"Not even his father? Shouldn't he know?" The doctor quizzed as Lassiter's face simply hardened into a glare.

"Not even the hobo down the street, I got it," the doctor said spinning on his heel to leave. "He's in room 262."

"Thank you," Lassiter said as left to find the room with hurried steps.

He entered the private room and shut the door behind him, drawing back the curtain that stood between him and the rest of the room, and found a pale faced Shawn lying in the hospital bed with his head turned toward him.

There were dark circles under his eyes that Lassiter hadn't noticed back when he found him on the office floor, and even asleep, Shawn looked exhausted, with the way his facial muscles had no life to them what so ever. Seeing them without life sent a chill down Lassiter's spine, and he just pulled up a hospital chair close to his bed, waiting for Shawn to wake up, when Lassiter's phone went off.

He growled as plucked it from his pocket.

"What?" Lassiter answered not checking the caller id.

"I'd watch your tone there detective," the Chief warned on the other end. "You've been gone for over two hours, is Spencer okay?"

"Chief! Chief I'm sorry," Lassiter quickly apologized, his anger melting, trying to come up with an explanation that would hide Shawn's current condition. "Shawn is fine," Lassiter said forcefully. "He hasn't paid his cellphone bill, something about buying a new TV for his office first. I, um… I on the other hand need some time off."

"You do?" The Chief said surprised.

It was true, Lassiter couldn't be here as an officer on active duty anymore. He had to be here as Shawn's friend and sole support.

"Yes, a friend of mine just had a heart attack," Lassiter lied. "He needs me to get him home from the hospital and take care of him for a while, I don't know how long though."

"Well it's not like you don't have the time saved up. But it's unlike you to step out of line of duty Carlton," the Chief reminded him.

"I know, but…" Lassiter looked at Shawn's face. "I'm the only one who _can_ help him."

"I understand, just call me once a day to let me know whether or not you're coming in," Vick agreed in a voice that sounded far too sympathetic and concerned. He wondered briefly if she figured out it wasn't just a generic friend but Shawn, and knew if it wasn't a heart attack, but a suicide attempt.

"I will, tell O'Hara what I told you," Lassiter requested before he closed his phone with a **snap**.

This seemed to be the wrong thing to do, because as soon he did Shawn began to toss and turn violently in his bed.

"No!" He shouted at the top of his lungs. "Mom! Carlton! Gus! Dad! No! No! No!"

Lassiter was up on his feet in an instant, knocking his chair to the floor in the rush of the movement.

Shawn had called out his name.

"Juliet, Abigail, Chief, Buzz! One of you answer me!" Shawn continued to yell kicking the blankets completely off of him, reaching his hand out desperately in the air.

"Shawn!" Lassiter called back at him, interlacing the empty hand with his own. "Wake up Shawn! It's a dream, wake up!" He used his free hand to try to shake the younger man awake, which only made him turn to his side completely toward Lassiter, clutching his hand as though his life depended on it.

"You… You can't take Lassie from me… You can't take everybody away," Shawn shouted.

"Shawn wake up! Everybody is fine, wake up," Lassiter insisted, reinforcing the hold on Shawn's hand with both his, seeing his previous attempts to wake him had only made things worse.

"Wake up!" Lassiter shouted again, and right on cue, Shawn's eyes shot open, and he sat up violently.

"Shawn," Lassiter began still holding his hand only to have Shawn push his hands away. Initially, Lassiter was inwardly hurt, until he watched the Psychic vomit with projectile onto the bed sheets.

'Why couldn't he have done that after he'd taken the pills?' Lassiter thought, as Shawn finished heaving and broke out into a heavy sweat, and drew his knees in close to him, whimpering ever so slightly.

"Shawn," Lassiter attempted again, noticing Shawn's right hand twitching as though it was looking for something to grab. Instinctively Lassiter grabbed it; seeming to pull Shawn into reality and making his head turn to look at him.

"Lassie…" Shawn began breathing shallow. "Lassie…" He said again shutting his eyes and leaning his head back on his knees.

"Is everything okay?" Somebody called from behind the curtain before running into the room. It was the doctor Lassiter had talked to previously, looking just as panicked as Shawn was.

"Everything's fine…" Shawn surprisingly answered, lowering his knees and covering his mouth with his left hand.

"I…" the doctor began only to meet his eyes with Lassiter's glare again, insisting he drop it. He remained silent for an awkward thirty seconds before speaking again.

"Shawn Spencer, I have come to offer free therapy to you with our psychiatrist down the street, he's great with depression and-." The doctor's voice again was shot down by a glare, but this time it came from Shawn Spencer.

"And just why are you offering me therapy?" Shawn demanded venomously, making the doctor take a step back.

"You… You were admitted here suffering an overdose of sleeping pills," he attempted to explain.

"And you assumed I was suicidal?" Shawn yelled, making even Lassiter jump at his elevated voice.

"Well I-."

"God damn it, I haven't slept in nine days! I was trying to find sleep; I was so tired I was forgetting whether or not I took the pills every five minutes. I wasn't trying to off myself!" Shawn yelled the doctor paling. "Why is it automatically suicide with you guys?"

The doctor's eyes shifted uncomfortably to Shawn's carved legs.

Shawn followed his eyes, and squeezed Lassiter's hand harder.

"Get out! Just get out!" Shawn yelled tears rolling down the side of his cheeks.

"But I," the doctor began only to have Lassiter's anger now flare up as well.

"He said get out!" Lassiter followed, and the doctor shut his mouth and walked briskly out the door, leaving Shawn and Lassiter alone in the room.

"How many people know about this?" Shawn asked not looking up.

"Just me… And the people who treated you, but their mouths are shut," Lassiter assured him.

"Just you…?" Shawn said exhausted.

Lassiter nodded. "I was the one who found you and brought you here…"

"Thanks…" Shawn's voice faltered. "I meant what I said to the doctor, it was an accidental overdose. I haven't slept, and they hadn't been working, so I up'd the dose, and then I just kept forgetting… It wasn't suicide I swear."

Lassiter wanted to question him about so many things, why he hadn't been sleeping, why his legs were all carved up, what the dream he just had was about, but he decided now was not the time to pry him. He was too vulnerable and he was afraid making him talk now would send him over the edge.

"Of course it wasn't you're Shawn Spencer, what would you have to be depressed about?" Lassiter's comment was supposed to cheer up the psychic, to show he believed him, but Shawn's tears only quickened.

Yes. He was Shawn Spencer. Mr. Invincible. And that was the whole problem.


	4. From the Hospital to the Dry Cleaners

Hello fellow readers! I hope you are all still reading and enjoying my story, because happy readers, equals a happy writer. And a happy writer equals possibly more frequent updates, (hint hint). Did I just type that? Nah, I couldn't have.

In all seriousness, I am still waiting for someone to offer to be my beta. Think about it readers! You'd get to read the story sooner than everyone else, just because I love you! And that way this story will be even better.

Until then, please enjoy, feel free to donate a review, and see you next Friday!

~FortuneandCathfernaTH

* * *

Two hours later Shawn was released, and prescribed anti-depressants that the doctor promised, he could take on his own will. To both Lassiter and the doctor's surprise he did take one without a fuss.

Whatever the dream was about, Shawn seemed to be over it, because he was back to his old self as soon as he said that he had nothing to be depressed about.

Despite this however, the ride back to Shawn's apartment was mostly silent, with Shawn staring out the car window, and Lassiter glancing at him every other minute. His eyes narrowed on the prescription pill bag clutched in Shawn's hand.

"Shawn," Lassiter started making Shawn turn his head to him and produce his cocky grin.

"What? You're calling me by my first name? No Spencer? Are we Shassie now?" Shawn teased, but Lassiter kept his eyes forward on the road.

He decided now was as good a time as any to start asking questions, but he had to find a good place to start.

"I'm not here as a detective Shawn," Lassiter said evenly, watching as Shawn's expressions softened. "I'm here as your friend."

'My friend…' was the only thing that ran through Shawn's head as he relaxed into the seat.

"And I'm staying at your apartment until further notice," Lassiter decided to end it at that. Questions later…

If Lassie stayed at his apartment, and Shawn somehow managed to fall asleep, he'd have the dream again, and Lassiter would hear him.

Shawn was pretty sure that he could convince Lassie the dream he had woken up from at the hospital was just a side effect from the treatment, but he knew it raise red flags if it happened again.

He briefly wondered why he hadn't asked about his dream already.

And what if in blind panic Shawn started shredding himself? How would Lassiter's opinion change of him then?

He'd never have a chance with him then…

But Shawn also agreed with Lassiter's unspoken point, he shouldn't be alone right now.

"This isn't the way I'd hoped to get you into my apartment," Shawn said under his breath, that Lassiter struggled to hear.

"What was that?" Lassiter asked concerned.

"Nothing important, turn up here," Shawn instructed as Lassiter did as he said and they arrived at the old Fluff n' Fold.

Lassiter just parked the car and got around to open the car door for Shawn who gave a "thanks', before rushing into his apartment door and returning the favor to Lassiter.

"Welcome to my Fluff n' Fold," Shawn introduced as Lassiter scanned the apartment. It was surprisingly clean, save for his computer desk and a couple of shirts strung about. Most of them were hanging on the clothes spinner, looking much more organized, and much cleaner than the office.

"Make yourself at home Carlton," Shawn insisted as he went up to his clothes and picked out a new shirt and pants before departing to what Lassiter assumed was his bedroom.

Lassiter blushed at the use of his first name, for reasons Lassiter couldn't fathom. As distraction he began to explore the rest of Shawn's apartment surprisingly comfortable in the environment, until he found the bathroom.

The first thing he noticed were the bloody towels in the hamper and the blood stains on the bathmat in front of the sink, then he noticed the broken mirror, with a large chunk of glass missing from it.

He suddenly felt very cold.

"So Carlton how would you feel for steak tonight? I'm supposed to be at my dad's for dinner, and since you're staying I figured you could join me," Shawn called out from his bedroom as he zipped up his pants and stored the bottle of anti-depressants in his pocket, while he waited for Lassiter's response. When it didn't come, Shawn raised his eyebrows. Must not be paying attention.

"Dinner with my dad isn't my ideal first date of course, but I'm willing to flex if it were the second or third. So we can do a late breakfast and lunch before tonight," Shawn said figuring this would roust Carlton, as he left the bedroom to look for him. "What do you say? You pick, I pay, we could even do take out."

Still nothing, he was about throw in another suggestion this was all a plan to get him to go on a date, when he found Lassiter standing in the middle of his bathroom, staring specifically at the bloody towels.

"Oh…" Shawn said defeated as he leaned against the bathroom door frame, with his hands stuffed in his pockets, and making Lassiter spin on his heels to meet him.

For a moment, Shawn just stared at the floor, and kicked at the other side of the doorframe, while Lassiter stared at him expectantly behind his sunglasses. He sighed heavily a few seconds later.

"Go ahead and interrogate me," Shawn granted. "I know you're dying to."

Lassiter felt his cheeks begin to burn.

"I'm not here to interrogate you Shawn. I told you, I'm here as a friend, not as a cop. And I have plenty of time saved up so I'm here as long as it takes to help you through whatever is going through your head. As long as you don't try to kill yourself on my watch, I'm not going to push you for any information you're not ready to share. I'm going to wait until you are ready to talk to me about it, then I'll start the questions. Whether that is tonight, tomorrow, or even next week is up to you," Lassiter said seriously, as he began to exit the bathroom.

"Anyway, something tells me you haven't eaten recently," Lassiter suggested as he stood next to Shawn, who gave him a genuine smile.

"My treat," Shawn said. "What are you hungry for?"

"Lorenzo's?" Lassiter suggested as Shawn nodded and went to find his wallet.

As he departed to do so, Lassiter fell exhausted against the door frame.

He knew that Shawn had been cutting himself, but part of him still couldn't believe that Shawn of all people was doing it.

He just seemed so invincible.


	5. Sheng Long Was Here!

Hello readers! Thank you so much again for the lovely reviews, especially to: Pineapple Angel 14, Girl-luvs-manga, x3Bowie, Littlemiss-RozaAnn, and of course GermanypumpsItaly. Your reviews made me especially happy, and give me a sense of pleasure to know I have such wonderful followers, and get more followers every day! So thank you!

Beta position is still open, so please help me fill it!

Till then, enjoy!

~FortuneandCathfernaTH

Lunch at Lorenzo's was more fun than either Shawn or Lassiter had been expecting. There was a surprising amount to talk about, that wasn't related to this morning, and when they sat there together at the table, Lassiter felt a warmth develop in his chest.

Lassiter almost didn't want lunch to end…

And apparently neither did Shawn; because after lunch he offered to take Lassiter to the arcade. Normally arcades weren't Lassiter's scene, but he decided that Shawn killing some stress with some quarter eating, rip-off machines would be good for him.

Upon arrival they started with Street Fighter II.

"You want to play this?" Lassiter asked with disbelief as Shawn put in two quarters into the machine. Its title was faded and the directions to the controls were unreadable.

"It looks so old…" Lassiter commented shaking his head at the character selection screen.

"The machine may be, but the game is a classic! Timeless in fact!" Shawn emphasized. "And it makes any arcade newbie look like a master, or was that Mortal Kombat? Both are very reputable fighting games, shame I can never separate them in my head."

"Whatever, let's just get started so I can kick your ass!" Lassiter said grinning as he took hold at the 1st player joystick and hovered over the buttons.

"I never said you had a chance Carly, just that it would make you _look_ like you know what you're doing," Shawn teased as he quickly chose Ryu, while Lassiter went for Ken.

The game started, and Shawn was immediately dishing out combos that seemed to put Lassiter's character out of commission, giving Shawn opening to deplete his health even further.

"Come on you stupid game…" Lassiter said under his breath pushing rapidly at the kick button until his character came out of stun and landed the first kick on Shawn's sprite in the entire round.

"Right on Carly," Shawn said excited. "But not enough to win the match," Shawn responded as the 90 second timer went out.

"Seriously this match is timed?" Lassiter whined as Shawn smiled as Ryu was declared the winner.

"Don't worry Carlton, there's still a chance to redeem yourself, there is a second round," Shawn assured him. "If it's any consolation, you're the first not be knocked out before the timer runs out, when you're playing against me I mean. Believe me it's quite a feat, as I would be able to beat the creator himself."

"Right, I was just warming up!" Lassiter decided as he hardened his posture and rested his left hand on the surface of the buttons, staring fixedly at the screen.

Shawn rolled his eyes at this, and smiled as the second round began.

"Take this!" Lassiter pressing the punch button, while Shawn stopped hovering the buttons and used his left hand to push Lassiter's hand upwards on the control stick.

"Hey!" Lassiter said ready to slap his hand away for meddling, when he found his sprite Ken performing a jumping punch that knocked Ryu away across the screen, and dropped his health bar by one eighth.

"How'd I do that?" Lassiter asked as both sprites ceased to move.

"Joystick up and punch. Depending on the movement of the joystick as you press a button, you can accomplish special moves. Don't just depend on going left and right, and pressing buttons when you get close, experimentation is the key," Shawn said smiling.

Shawn's hand rested on Lassiter's for a brief moment more, sending a mysterious spark up Lassiter's arm and into his chest, before Shawn finally moved back to his own buttons and proceeded to kick Lassiter's ass again.

He contemplated this sensation for a total of two seconds before he returned his focus to the game, filing it away for later examination.

Taking Shawn's advice, Lassiter experimented with a series of control combinations, and managed to bring Shawn's character's health down to half. Unfortunately Lassiter's experiments only took him so far, as Shawn flipped his character and KO'd him at the last two seconds.

Lassiter's jaw dropped in disbelief, as the two characters appeared on the screen, with Ken all bruised and bloody, and Ryu saying: You must defeat _Sheng Long_ to stand a chance. Beneath it, was: Continue? (Insert two quarters).

'Who the fuck is _Sheng Long_? And where do I find him?' Lassiter asked himself glaring at the screen.

"Sorry Carlton, I guess I was thinking about Mortal Kombat, come on I know of a game that would be more up your alley," Shawn said as he began walking away, only to have Lassiter catch his arm.

"Put in two more quarters," Lassiter ordered not moving his eyes from the screen.

Shawn felt his skin burn pleasantly under Lassiter's warm hands, enjoying the sensation for a few seconds, before he shook his head with a smile. He knew there was no way Lassiter was going to give up until he was successful.

"Alright, let's do this," Shawn said as he turned back around and put in two more quarters.

This time, Lassiter was much more focused on his combos, smiling gleefully as Shawn's sprite became stunned, and only managing to hit three times on Lassiter's sprite, and cheering as the screen showed the letters KO on the screen on his behalf.

The second round was the same thing, only this time Shawn didn't manage to land a hit on him, giving Lassiter a perfect KO.

"Yes! In your face Shawn Spencer! I won!" Lassiter cheered as they both turned away from the machine to let two younger children play.

'Only because I was holding back for you…' Shawn thought to himself resisting the urge to chuckle.

"Congrats Carlton," Shawn said as Lassiter laughed gleefully. "Here I'll show you another game you'd be good at."

"Oh yeah?" Lassiter said with disbelief.

"Yeah, it's one my dad made me play all the time, it's called Police Trainer," Shawn said directing Lassiter to the machine who followed him gleefully.

"Well a game with a name like that can't be too bad," Lassiter decided smiling in spite of the fact he was trying to hate the quarter eating machines.

"Yeah, the better you do the higher in rank you go. I think you'll like it," Shawn assured him as he put two quarters into the machine and picked up the red gun, while Lassiter picked up the blue.

When he saw it involved shooting, Lassiter knew he had the game in the bag.

"Oh you're so going down Shawn!" Lassiter said as Shawn raised an eyebrow.

"You wanna go first then?" Shawn asked holding out the 1st player gun to him.

"Alright, prepare to be amazed Shawn Spencer," Lassiter said switching places with Shawn who leaned against the machine and watched Lassiter breeze through the games up until he got to the detective level, where he failed to meet quota in the Simulation section and moving target section and grumbling to himself.

"I'd be better in the actual thing," Lassiter grumbled moving out of the way for Shawn to take his turn.

Shawn didn't say anything, just breezed through all of the games with blurring movements and perfect scores, that amazed Lassiter, until Shawn achieved the rank of Chief, and beat the game entirely.

"How did you get so good at this game?" Lassiter asked his mouth agape.

"My father wouldn't let me play any other game in the arcade, until I got to chief in both players," Shawn explained half-heartedly as he put the gun back in the game holster.

"Harsh…" Lassiter said shocked that his father would be that strict, and that Shawn sounded so; somber.

"Oh he meant well, and by the end of the month I was finally free to play any game I wanted," Shawn said turning away from the game expressionless, when he suddenly smiled again.

"Oo DDR! Come on Lassie!" Shawn said grabbing Lassiter's hand dragging him towards the dance machine.

The sensation ran up Lassiter's arm again from Shawn's touch, and when Lassiter tried to match the feeling he could only come up with the way he felt every other time Shawn touched him. A touch that would normally make Lassiter push someone away, but when it came to Shawn, he let it happen. Perhaps he only really took notice of it now because of the recent events, or for the fact they weren't working a case.

Whatever the reason, it made Lassiter more desperate for an answer to Shawn's troubles, and even more desperate to help him.

But most of all, it made Lassiter want to be next to the psychic.


	6. Dinner at Henry's

I am so sorry for the late update! I didn't register what day it was, it won't happen again!

Beta reader still open, love you all! Enjoy the story!

~FortuneandCathfernaTH

They spent two hours at the arcade before they ran out of quarters, and Lassiter could honestly say, he liked arcades now.

Especially since he beat Shawn at DDR.

"I can't believe you beat me!" Shawn complained as Lassiter walked to the driver's side of the car with a large smile on his face.

"Believe it Shawn, I won at DDR and Street Fighter II," Lassiter said as they got into the car. Shawn may have beaten him at all of the other games, but he was holding those two over his head with pride.

"I let you win Street Fighter II," Shawn said making Lassiter frown.

"Really?" Lassiter asked.

"Really." Shawn assured him.

"Oh well, I still beat you at DDR," Lassiter teased making Shawn cross his arms and pout.

"I _still_ can't believe that happened!" Shawn complained as his phone began to ring, and he checked the caller ID.

"Yeah Dad?" Shawn answered exhaustion returning to his face.

"Just reminding you that I expect you here at seven pm, and to ask if Gus was coming tonight," Henry explained as Shawn pinched the bridge of his nose.

"No Gus isn't coming, but I am bringing a friend of mine. We'll be there on time," Shawn promised his voice noticeably tired, Lassiter noted.

"Good. You okay?" Henry asked on the other line.

"Yeah dad I'm fine, just like last week. Please get off my case," Shawn requested as he quickly hung up before Henry could say anything further. "We're going to have to go by the Psych office."

"Why?" Lassiter asked. He wasn't ready to revisit the memory of Shawn collapsed on the floor.

"I have to lock up the office, plus if I don't show up on my bike, my father will know something is wrong. And I just don't have the energy to be interrogated by him," Shawn explained.

"You are not riding your bike after what happened this morning," Lassiter refused as Shawn smiled.

"What if I let you ride with me?" Shawn offered.

"W-What?" Lassiter asked, as Shawn's smile widened.

"You heard me; I have an extra helmet, and haven't had an accident in forever. Come on, don't tell me you've never wanted to ride one," Shawn tempted as Lassiter stared at the steering wheel.

"Okay fine! But just to keep your father from getting on your case, as soon as dinner is over, we're going back to your office and switching back to the car. Understand?" Lassiter's voice was hard.

"Fair enough," Shawn agreed, as he checked his phone for the time. "But first, we have about an hour to kill before we have to leave, so let's get some smoothies."

One hour later, Lassiter tugged awkwardly at the helmet strap while Shawn started up the bike and waited for him to get on.

"Are you sure about this Shawn?" Lassiter asked receiving a smile from Shawn.

"Would you rather me ride alone?" Shawn asked, as Lassiter glared at him.

"That doesn't answer my question," Lassiter growled.

"As long as you keep a hold on me, you'll be just fine. Believe it or not I'm a very safe rider," Shawn assured him as Lassiter looked at the empty space with growing fear. He took in a deep breath, and swung his leg over the bike, and folded his arms in front of Shawn's chest, scooting forward to fit into the narrow space.

His entire body began to feel the sparks he had back in the arcade, making him feel strangely safe, though it was painful in its own way too.

'I've got Lassie on my bike, and his arms are wrapped around me. Best. Day. EVER!' Shawn thought enjoying the heat that he felt from Lassiter's touch.

"You ready Carly?" Shawn asked looking at him with his side mirror. He gave a subtle nod, while at the same time tightening his hold. Readjusting his mirror, Shawn backed the bike out of the space, pointed it in the direction of the exit, picked up his feet, and put his hand on the gas, while hovering over the break.

The sudden speed was a shock to Lassiter, and he couldn't help but scream as they sped to the exit, only ceasing as they came to a stop as Shawn looked for oncoming traffic, and flipped on his blinker.

"Sheesh Carlton, we haven't even left the parking lot yet. You're going to have to pull it together Carly," Shawn said laughing at his scream. "Just relax, I promise I won't do any wheelies with you in back."

"You do wheelies?!" Lassiter demanded.

"Of course not Carlton, that's like asking for death," Shawn said as he started up the gas again and turned into the streets.

Lassiter flinched as he did this, expecting to crash into something, but managing to relax when he found they were safely balancing as they rode down the road. He expected it to be much more unstable, like trying to sit on a ball, but Shawn kept it smooth, and Lassiter found himself closing his eyes to enjoy the wind.

He was completely calm, until Shawn began to swerve from one edge of the lane to the other, very gently, but it made Lassiter open his eyes.

"What the hell are you swerving for?" Lassiter demanded panicked.

"So that I can see around the car ahead of me," Shawn said as Lassiter took notice of the large SUV in front of them. "On a bike you have to be even more aware of what is ahead of the driver in front of you, takes bikes longer to make an emergency stop."

It made sense, but it still made him uneasy. Eventually Lassiter was able to relax again, letting Shawn's body guide his through the swerve. He closed his eyes again as Shawn took a turn, finding himself more focused on the warm feeling he had holding Shawn.

What was it about Shawn that seemed to break down Lassiter's physical barriers? Back at the hospital, he grabbed and held Shawn's hand without a second thought, something he would have only done for his ex-wife for a time. Beyond that, there was the physical contact he put up with at work, from having his face touched, his ass slapped, and even tolerated Shawn sitting on his lap during one of his visions.

As he contemplated this, Lassiter had unknowingly rested his chin on Shawn's shoulder.

Sure Shawn Spencer annoyed the hell out of him, especially during his visions, but he knew that wasn't all to Shawn.

'Not all to Shawn…' Lassiter thought to himself, closing his eyes, as flood of memories, once buried, started to come back to him.

_He was sitting at his desk filling out paper work on last week's case, completely zoned in on his work, until the chief called him into the office. _

"We're here Carlton!" Shawn said suddenly interrupting his thoughts.

It was only when the engine turned off, did Lassiter realize he had not only leaned into Shawn to the point of their back and chest touching, but his head was also resting on his shoulder.

'When the hell did this happen!?' Lassiter thought, quickly backing out of the man's personal space and stepping off the bike. He rubbed his nose on his sleeve in an attempt to hide the growing heat in his cheeks.

"See? I told you I was a safe rider," Shawn said propping the bike on its stand before getting off himself, and smiling at Lassiter. "Heck you even fell asleep! You looked like a little baby, it was so cute!"

"I wasn't asleep-." Lassiter quickly knew this was the wrong choice of words, as being asleep could justify his actions. He quickly found another excuse. "My neck hurt okay?"

Shawn raised an eyebrow at this, but didn't say anything more, and led the way to the door. Lassiter walked side by side with him, slightly astonished that Shawn just walked right in.

"Hey Dad we're here!" Shawn shouted shutting the door behind Carlton who looked around uncomfortably.

"And on time, I'm surprised," Henry said coming in from the kitchen and looking perplexed at Lassiter. "Carlton, funny when Shawn said he was bringing one of his friends, I assumed he meant he was bringing a girlfriend. He's not having sex with you now, is he?"

Lassiter blushed at the question, opening his mouth to answer but find the words stuck in his throat. 'He's obviously kidding… Just answer him…' Lassiter yelled in his brain.

Shawn must have sensed his discomfort because he soon had his arm around his shoulder, and answered for him.

"No sexy times, the chief just insisted we stop giving each other black eyes at the department, and ordered us to spend some time together. So we thought we'd start here, you and Carly are fishing buddies after all," Shawn said as Henry raised an eye brow, and stared at Lassiter, expecting a confirmation.

"Exactly!" Lassiter said quickly, but he could tell Henry didn't buy it, as they already seemed too friendly. He had to think of something quick; he turned his head to Shawn and glared at him.

"Get your hands off me Spencer! And don't call me Carly," Lassiter ordered as Shawn quickly lifted his arms above his head and backed up with a smile.

Henry seemed satisfied with this, and turned back to the kitchen, though Lassiter couldn't help but notice his eyes focusing mostly on Shawn as he turned to leave.

Shawn noticed too, and inwardly it irritated him. He looked at Lassie again and laughed.

"Nice play there buddy! Now he'll never suspect we're desperately in love," Shawn said patting Lassie's butt as he moved past him and into the kitchen.

"We are not in love!" Lassiter denied, maybe a little louder than necessary as he followed him half a step later.

"I'm kidding!" '_Mostly…'_ Shawn said as he began pulling out plates from the above cabinet, trying to be oblivious to Henry watching him as he grilled steaks outside.

"I don't want you drinking if you have Carlton riding with you," Henry said from outside.

"Aw but I wanted to show Lassie how well I could intimidate Buzz out of a ticket!" Shawn said disappointed as he set down three plates. Then went to the fridge and got a bottle of water, took out one of his anti-depressants and left both on the counter close to the fridge when his father told him to grab silverware too.

'Mcnab…' Lassiter thought. He'd have to remember to write him up for that.

"I still don't know why you insist on riding that thing Shawn! It's dangerous," Henry complained as he came in with three steaks on one plate. "Hey Carlton, grab the salad in the fridge will you?"

Glad to have something to do, Lassiter was quick to respond.

"It's only dangerous if you don't know what you're doing," Shawn assured him.

"And what about the accident you had five years ago?" Henry demanded. "Remember you were in a coma for three days?"

Lassiter almost dropped the bowl to the floor hearing this.

"That was the other driver's fault dad, she had a stop sign, and I didn't. Besides I got her number out of it," Shawn reminded him as Lassiter set the bowl on the table.

"Her number Shawn? You nearly died and all you think about is the number?" Henry demanded moving a steak onto Lassiter's plate and sitting down with his and Shawn's steak already served. Shawn sat down with a frown.

"Can we please not do this tonight? I don't have the energy for a fight right now," Shawn said as Henry's fork dropped onto his plate with a clank, making Lassiter jump.

"I'm not starting a fight Shawn! I'm concerned about you, and you said the same thing last week. Something is wrong with you kid, and strike me where I stand if I never figure it out," Henry yelled as Shawn crossed his arms.

"Hard to that when you're sitting down old man," Shawn retorted. Lassiter had to admit it was a good come back, but it only enraged Henry further.

"Shawn," Henry shouted frustrated as Shawn leaned forward in his chair.

"I. Am. Fine. What do I have to do to prove it to you?" Shawn challenged as Henry got up from the table and went to the fridge.

"You're not fine! Father's know when their…" Henry's voice stopped when he opened the door to the fridge.

Shawn's face paled instantly, and his eyes watched his father with a look that could only be identified as pure horror, as he closed the fridge and picked up something from the counter.

Lassiter considered dragging Shawn out of there, right there and then. This couldn't be good for him…

"Zoloft?" Henry said turning around and looking at Shawn. Looking at Henry, you could swear he'd discovered somebody murdered Shawn.

Shawn turned his head away from him, and chose instead to stare at the steak in front of him.

"Shawn, what is going on?" Henry asked resting a hand on Shawn's shoulder, who just turned away from it and stood up from the chair.

"Do not run away from this Shawn! I will not let you," Henry said sternly clutching the bottle in his hand.

"Just drop it okay! I don't want to talk about it right now," Shawn insisted.

"And just why is that Shawn? Spencer men don't depend on mind altering meds. These could have serious side effects Shawn! God forbid, they may damper your Psychic powers," Henry said before throwing both his hands down at his sides. "And then what will you do Shawn? You won't be any use down at the station and you'll be jobless and leave Gus with all the rent down at Psych! You'll be back to the useless kid who graduated and ran off to Mexico!"

Shawn turned away from his father, clutching the edge of table so hard his knuckles were turning white. Lassiter looked up at his face, and saw tears roll down Shawn's cheeks, he wanted to comfort him, but Henry was scaring the hell out of him too.

"You have expectations to live up to kid, the second you let them down is the second you lose everything you've worked for! All you are is their Psychic Shawn," Henry emphasized, and Shawn's tears quickened. "If their image of you changes, you lose. They won't want you anymore!"

'_If their image of me changes… I lose…' Lassiter thought lying on the couch in his living room, and staring at his ceiling, and clutching the gun in his hand. _

'_I won't have any worth anymore…'_

'Oh hell no.' Lassiter thought his temper flaring up, as he got up from the chair and slammed his hands on the table.

"Shaw-. Spencer is more than just a psychic down at the station!" Lassiter caught himself, making Henry harden a glare at him. Better at him than Shawn, though Lassiter didn't deny even he wanted to back down from seeing it.

"His skills are beyond anyone there! He can crack witnesses nobody else can, he isn't afraid to risk his life for another, and he sure as hell works his ass off for the ones he cares about!" Lassiter yelled glancing at Shawn who was shocked, but thankful.

"Even if he lost his powers right here and now, I can guarantee he'd make one hell of a detective without them! And I'd personally see to it that he'd still have a job at the station. Sure he has a process that makes about as much sense as a philosophy major finding a sustaining career, but he gets the job done!" He walked up to Henry until they were arm's length away.

"I applaud your defense for a fellow co-worker Carlton, but I think I know my son better than you," Henry followed and Lassiter almost punched him right then and there.

"All due respects Henry, I'm not sure that you do." Lassiter said snatching the anti-depressants from Henry's hand and walking toward the door.

"Come on Spencer," Lassiter ordered, grabbing his and Shawn's jacket, and leading the stunned man out the door by the elbow.

Henry just stood there, watching them depart, before leaning tiredly on the kitchen counter, holding his temple.


	7. In the Dark of the Night

Hello readers! Thanks again to all who is still reading, and to those who review! Beta position is still open, so personal message me if interested.

Nothing else to say, so enjoy!

~FortuneandCathfernaTH

* * *

Once outside, Lassiter took a look at Shawn again.

He was still pale, only accenting the tear stains on his face; mostly he seemed stunned, but a little relieved too. Shawn walked to the curb next to his bike and sat down on the concrete, staring outward.

Lassiter joined him, making sure to put the jackets on the bike seat, and stared outward with him. "I'm sorry Shawn… I just couldn't let him say all those things to you. It was making me sick. So I'm sorry if I was sticking my nose in where it didn't belong."

Shawn immediately sat up straight.

"What? Carly no! I'm glad for what you said, in fact thank you," Shawn said his mood quickly elevating again. "I just need to give myself a few minutes to pull myself together. I do have a passenger after all. Wouldn't want to damage your neck further," Shawn said making Lassiter smile with relief.

"Is your father always that tough on you?" Lassiter asked. When they went fishing, Henry seemed like a very pleasant person, but what he saw inside wasn't the Henry he fished with.

"Tough yes, border line emotionally abusive not always. We've never seen eye to eye, but as you can expect, I'm still his son, and he cares… He just has high standards for me," Shawn explained. It wasn't often he talked about the relationship with him and Henry, but he knew he owed Lassiter an explanation.

"Have you met them? In his eyes I mean?" Lassiter asked as Shawn laughed for a half a second.

"Hell no, if there are two things my father can't stand, it's Psychics and Private Detectives and I managed to become both," Shawn said and now it was Lassiter's turn to laugh.

"You're no detective," Lassiter said as Shawn smiled and shook his head.

"I am since you called me one," Shawn said as Lassiter just smiled.

"Thanks a lot, I'd almost blocked that one out of my memory," Lassiter joked as they both laughed.

"Well steak is out of the question," Shawn began. "What do you say we get the hell out of here and get pizza?"

"I like that idea, but tell me we're taking my car to pick it up."

Back home, Henry was out on his porch, on his third beer since Shawn left, while staring out at the beach.

He couldn't believe Shawn was stupid enough to put himself on drugs! The kid was already due for a slip up, and one slip up could cost him his job. Could even land him in jail if the wrong person knew, but Henry knew this wasn't what was really bothering him.

What was bothering him was that Shawn knew all of this, and was taking it anyway, because he thought the benefits would outweigh the risks. Which meant something was wrong with Shawn, and he was too stubborn to tell his father what it was. Henry would admit to being maybe being a little hard on the kid, but surely Shawn knew he could come to him!

He had to know what was wrong, and he got out his phone and dialed Gus's phone number.

Four rings later, Gus answered.

"Hello?" Gus said on the other line yawning loudly. "Shawn if this is you calling at two thirty in the morning, I am going to slap you over the phone."

"Two thirty?" Henry asked surprised looking down at his watch. "Sorry Gus, I hadn't realized how late it was. This is Henry, not Shawn, but this is about him."

"About Shawn? Is he hurt?" Gus asked suddenly more awake.

"I'm not entirely sure… Do you know of any reasons why he would be on anti-depressants?" Henry asked taking another swallow of beer.

"Anti-depressants? That can't be right," Gus said on the other line. "When did you find out this?"

"Tonight, he was over for steaks and I found the bottle with his name on it. I tried to ask him about it, but Lassiter butted in and left with him," Henry explained.

"Lassiter did? What was Lassiter doing at dinner with you guys?" Gus was becoming more confused by the minute.

"Shawn said it was via chief's orders, but that's not important. Do you know if anything has been bothering Shawn?" Henry demanded almost to the point of yelling.

"Not a clue, it must be some sort of mistake, or he's been prescribed it to help something else. I mean this is Shawn we're talking about," Gus reminded him.

"Oh yeah? Well what other uses are there for Zoloft?" Henry demanded.

The other line fell silent for about two minutes, the only way Henry knew he hadn't hung up was the fact he could hear him breathing.

"I'll be on the next plane out. But I'm stuck in the mountains in Montana so it will be a couple of days," Gus said finally as Henry let out a frustrated sigh.

"Thank you, if you can get him to talk it will be a load off my mind. God knows he won't talk to me," Henry said relieved. "Call me if you need a ride Gus."

"I will, I'll see you soon," Gus promised hanging up.

It was two thirty at night, and Lassiter still had yet to fall asleep. Needless to say, there was something wrong with Shawn, and it was becoming more apparent to Lassiter as the night progressed. All through pizza, Shawn was mostly silent unless Lassiter started a conversation. The conversation would last for five minutes, and all during, Shawn gave straight answers, and lacked his wit. After they had had their fill pizza, Shawn set up the guest bed and retired to his own room with a good night.

That had been over three hours ago, and Lassiter could tell from the movement in Shawn's bedroom, that he hadn't actually gone to bed, up until an hour ago.

'Maybe Shawn is an insomniac, but that doesn't explain the cuts on his legs…' Lassiter thought to himself sitting up against his pillows as he contemplated Shawn's actions. 'Perhaps it's a problem that is keeping him up at night? That would explain his not sleeping in nine days…'

He knew it certainly kept Lassiter up when he was in a similar position.

"No!" Shawn shouted from his bedroom making Lassiter sit up straight and reach for a gun that wasn't there. In an instant, Lassiter was up out of the guest bed and rushing to Shawn's bedroom.

Opening the door, Lassiter found Shawn flailing in his arms and legs in violent motions, tossing and turning.

"Is he asleep?" Lassiter asked somewhere between concerned and surprised, as he dashed to his bed side, being careful to stand far away enough not to accidently get hit.

"Mom! Carlton! Gus! Dad! No! No! No!" Shawn cried tears escaping his eyes, leaving a twinge of pain in Lassiter's chest.

'That's exactly what he said this morning… It must be the same dream!' Lassiter thought as he forcefully snatched Shawn's flailing hand and held it tightly.

"Juliet, Abigail, Chief, Buzz! One of you answer me!" Shawn said his body movements stabilizing with Lassiter's touch.

"I'm fine Shawn, everyone is fine. Wake up!" Lassiter yelled praying he could hear him. Alas his words seemed to be lost on the Psychic because soon Shawn's hand broke from his and he turned away from him in his sleep.

"You… You can't take Lassie from me… You can't take everybody away," Shawn said the tears quickening.

"Shawn, you need to wake up! Everyone is okay," Lassiter yelled again, resting his hand on his shoulder and gently shaking him.

This time it did the trick, Shawn's eyes shot open, and immediately he was out of the bed and rushing to what Lassiter assumed was the bathroom.

"Shawn," Lassiter called after, following him after he heard him start heaving.

"Shawn, are you okay?" Lassiter asked right before he walked into the doorway. Standing there, was Shawn holding a long piece of glass ready to graze down his arm.

"Shawn!" Lassiter yelled catching his wrist just before the glass landed on his skin, and yanking the glass out of Shawn's hand. He threw it violently across the room, causing it shatter against the wall. Lassiter grabbed Shawn's shoulders then, and turned Shawn to face him.

Lassiter felt the color drain from his face.

Shawn's skin was shining from sweat, his cheeks still tinted green, and his eyes fear stricken. In a quick moment, Shawn's arms were around Lassiter's waist, squeezing tightly.

"Lassie… You're okay…" Shawn cried, and Lassiter wrapped his arms around Shawn, rubbing his back gently. "You're okay…"

"Everything is okay… Everyone is okay…" Lassiter replied holding Shawn tighter.


	8. The Truth

Hello readers! Thanks again for reading, following, reviewing, and giving me favorites! As always, the Beta reader position is open, and I love you all!

Enjoy!

~FortuneandCathfernaTH

Ten minutes later, Shawn was sitting on the couch with a wet wash cloth held against his head by Lassiter, and one draped around his neck. The coolness was relaxing, and appreciated considering how hot he felt. Shawn attempted to focus on his breathing, in through the nose and out through the mouth, as Lassiter kept telling him when he'd guided him to the couch.

"Thanks Lassie…" Shawn said his breathing stabilized.

"What are you calling me Lassie for? We aren't at work," Lassiter joked taking the washcloth off of Shawn's forehead and dipping it back in the bowl of water on the coffee table. He knew that jokes helped Shawn deal with a stressful situation, thus reasoning it might help here.

"You're right," Shawn said managing a tired smile, as he leaned gently back on the couch.

There were a few minutes of silence after that, only filled by the light drizzle of rain outside. Lassiter could barely control himself anymore.

He wanted to demand the psychic tell him exactly what the dream was about, he wanted to know what panicked Shawn to this point, he wanted to know why he thought sleeping pills would help, and he wanted to help Shawn. But Lassiter knew from various trainings that panic attacks like what Shawn had, had a trigger, and it would be best to wait before addressing it. And Lassiter was going to address it, but he knew to wait until-.

"About nine days ago, I started having night terrors." Shawn began suddenly making Lassiter move the cloth away from his head, and set it off to the side. "They've been bad enough that when I wake up from them, I'm not entirely how you say… aware… of my actions."

"So the cutting," Lassiter began.

"Is normally triggered after the night terror, and I usually don't realize I've done it until a certain amount of time has passed…" Shawn interrupted closing his eyes to let tears fall.

Lassiter saw this, and interlaced his hand into Shawn's, feeling the sparks again, that seemed to give a small light to the growing pit of darkness of the moment. He knew Shawn felt the same thing, because his tears eased.

"So why the sleeping pills then? Why take them if they would trap you in the night terror?" Lassiter asked. Shawn shook his head.

"I reasoned that I wouldn't cut if I got enough sleep to alleviate the stress of lack of sleep. Because dreams can't kill you, no matter how gruesome they get… But blood loss can." Shawn explained squeezing a little tighter on Lassiter's hand. "Stupid I know."

"The way you tried to deal with it was," Lassiter said angered, before he forced himself to relax. "Exactly what was the dream about?"

Shawn fell silent, broke from Lassiter's hand, and stood up.

Lassiter remained sitting, attempting briefly to reason why he felt hurt when he took his hand away. He waited five minutes before deciding to say something else, when Shawn suddenly began to speak.

"The Yang case," Shawn began suddenly. Lassiter felt like he'd just been slapped in the face. He'd been right back at the hospital, meaning he'd made the same mistake to Shawn, which several others made about himself years before.

Still make today in fact…

"In the dream at first, it wasn't just my mom who was strapped. It was… It was you too Carlton…" Shawn said his voice shaking.

'That's why he would call out my name…' Lassiter thought, feeling the twist of guilt develop in his intestines.

"Then the dream got worse, and it wasn't just you and mom I was losing. It was everybody that mattered to me… And the only thing I can think in my dream when the bombs go off is that it's my fault. At one point, I even saw my mother's hallowed out chest…" Shawn's voice broke at that point, and Lassiter responded by standing up and laying a gentle hand on Shawn's shoulder.

"…Then when all of the smoke clears, and my mom is gone… the first person I find is you, and you're still alive, but barely… Yang sees this, and she pulls a gun… I try to protect you… but I'm not fast enough…" Shawn said fighting the urge to sob. He left out the more gruesome details, for mostly the fact he didn't want to dwell on them, his memory memorized _everything _after all, real or not.

'PTSD… I should have known better than to think Shawn couldn't get it… But he never said anything about it…' Lassiter thought to himself as Shawn went back to sit on the couch.

"I can usually function just fine in the day, I get into the groove of things, and there are a lot of distractions. At night is when everything goes to hell and I get depressed…" Shawn explained as Lassiter nodded.

"Why didn't you tell anyone about this sooner?" Lassiter asked. He already knew the answer; he just needed to hear it from Shawn's lips.

Shawn let out a frustrated sigh.

"I don't know! I guess… I guess I just don't want anybody to think less of me! Everyone expects me to be some sort of Superman, I don't want to let them down, if I show them weakness, nobody will look at me the same…" Shawn said wiping away tears that had collected on the edge of his eyelids. "I'm sorry Carlton… I know it doesn't make any sense…"

"No, I get it," Lassiter said suddenly making Shawn look up at him with shock. "I get it exactly."

Shawn watched as Lassiter turned and walked slowly back to the couch, and sat down beside him. He wasn't sure what exactly Lassiter meant when he said he understood, but as soon as Lassiter said it, Shawn could feel the weight of the air around them. This time, Shawn took Lassiter's hand into his, and waited for him to continue. He wished the warmth he felt holding it was more of a comfort…

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Lassiter's hand began to squeeze gently on Shawn's, before taking in a deep breath.

"It was back when I first separated with my wife."


	9. Those Who Are Great

As always, I love you all, the beta position is still open, and I hope you all enjoy! Also, I should mention, this is slight AU, if that wasn't already blatantly obvious, but I tried to keep in with most of the events in the show.

Any, enjoy!

~FortuneandCathfernaTH

"_It was back when I first separated with my wife." _

Lassiter was sitting at his desk filling out paperwork on last week's case, completely zoned in on his work, until the chief called him into the office.

"What is it Chief Vick? Is there a special case you need me to work?" Lassiter asked as he walked into her office, only to have his smile fade when he saw she was glaring at him.

"No detective there is not, sit down please," the Chief ordered, Lassiter was quick to follow her orders, resisting the urge to squirm under the restraint of her glare.

"I'm going to get to the point Lassiter, as of the end of your shift, you are under suspension," the Chief announced. Lassiter's eyes widened.

"What, Chief why?" Lassiter asked sitting up in the chair.

"How about we start with the fact you put a child's life at risk thanks to your carelessness?" The Chief's voice said a little louder than she had been previously speaking.

"Chief the boy was," Lassiter began only to have the Chief silence him with her hand.

"The boy was kidnapped and missing for forty-eight hours Carlton. Something _you_ could have stopped had you not fallen asleep on the job!" The Chief emphasized and Lassiter felt himself shrink.

"I… You see Chief I just," Lassiter began looking down at the floor. The boy had been found completely unharmed, so Lassiter assumed no harm done. This was the first time the Chief had to reprimand him for anything.

"You were being careless Carlton! I expected you to do the job no problem," The chief said sighing as Lassiter fell silent.

"The main thing is Carlton; you let your personal life get in the way of your duty. I can't have that in my department. Understand?" The Chief said more gently as Lassiter nodded in defeat.

"Good, now please hand over your badge and gun. You are suspended until further notice," The Chief ordered holding out her hand.

Lassiter did as she said, not looking up at her. He couldn't believe this was happening now of all times.

"You're excused," Vick said and watched as Lassiter stood up and walked out of the office, shutting the door behind him.

He was then met by three senior officers, all wearing sheepish grins.

"Finally made the chief mad, huh?" One of them said slapping Lassiter's back. "So what did she tell you?"

Lassiter didn't say anything, didn't even look the man in the eyes.

"It happens to the best of us. Even if you're the world's best detective, one mistake and you can lose absolutely everything," The second man followed shaking his head.

'_Lose absolutely everything…'_ That was all Lassiter heard it was like glue to the floor, because he knew he should just walk away from these guys, but he couldn't.

The third detective must have sensed his dismay because soon there was arm around his shoulder's leading him away from the group.

"Listen Carlton, you're going to have to get out of this slump you have going. You already have the Chief pissed at you; if your image of everyone here changes you're done. The Chief takes great measures to make sure everyone in the department is capable. If you aren't, you can kiss your life as a detective goodbye," the third detective informed him and Lassiter felt his stomach sink further. "Besides, we have lives at stake…"

At this, the detective gave Lassiter two pats on the shoulder and left to return to his friends, while Lassiter just kept walking, until he was out the door the department building.

He didn't even remember driving home, but he must have, because he was here in his driveway, looking at three large suitcases with a sticky note on them. Getting out of the car, he walked up to them, picked up the note, and read it.

_Dear Carlton, I think the time has come to spend some time apart. I have reserved a room for you at the hotel down the street. I packed your guns in the large green bag under your clothes. _

_Victoria _

Lassiter's throat clenched. He wanted desperately to cry, but his mind flashed back to what the detective had said earlier.

"If your image of everyone here changes you're done."

No. He couldn't show weakness. Besides the senior detective was right, there were lives at stake, which counted on him being strong.

Lassiter then snatched the bags and put them in the trunk of his car, not bothering to go inside and try to talk some sense into Victoria. If this was what she wanted to try, he would comply.

He would be what everyone needed to be; a perfect detective and husband.

A week later, Lassiter was reinstated and better than ever. He did absolutely everything perfectly, and never let on that he was as of today a week separated from his wife. The chief was impressed with his work, and all of the senior detectives praised him for his new leaf, they'd even invited him for beers. By the end of the month, Lassiter was no longer just a regular detective; he was promoted to Head Detective, and given a new partner, Lucinda Barry. She seemed genuinely interested in him, and Lassiter, at least in the private corners of his mind, was interested in her. In his waking conscious though, he was only willing to say, she and him were fast friends.

Arguably, Lassiter could say his life was better since conforming to the Chief's needs and shutting out his private life in the department. When he came and got to work, he was numb to his own pain, able to become the hardcore detective who solved high profile cases with ease. He was the one who made criminals confess; newbies wet their pants, and so strong emotionally he didn't even bat an eye when all three of the departments last senior detectives in active duty, were gunned down. And in the daytime, this truly was true about Carlton Lassiter.

As soon as he was alone in his new apartment however, Lassiter was anything but the: couldn't give a shit guy.

It had been over three months since Lassiter started this new façade, and Lassiter knew that all he was doing was living a lie. And the lie was taking his toll on him.

'If their image of me changes… I lose…' Lassiter thought lying on the couch in his living room, staring at his ceiling, and clutching the gun in his hand.

'I won't have any worth anymore…'

It was the harsh reality of his life. He was stuck in the lie he had created just to benefit others. There was one; maybe two ways out.

One was to put down the mask, and lose everything he loved. He truly did love his lie, because it brought him wonderful things, like Lucinda's friendship, newbie's respect, his job as head detective, his power to help those innocent. In all truth he was scared to let go of the lie, for fear of losing all of these things, and thus losing his worth. What good was living life if you didn't matter? The lie made him matter to others. At the same time, the gaping hole of emptiness he felt when he was alone in his apartment and had turned off Cops, was by no doubt created by the same lie he loved. Because at the end of the day, the happiness he felt was a lie too.

The second way out, was clutched in Lassiter's hands, with his fingers resting on the trigger. It would all be over. No more lie, no more fake happiness, no more longing, no midnight solitude, and no more crippling depression.

And it would only take one shot… He'd lose everything, but at least he wouldn't have to watch it happen.

That was Lassiter's final decision, as he began to tilt the gun in direction of his head turned off the safety and-.

"Drop your weapon detective!" A female voice ordered suddenly making Lassiter drop the gun in shock.

He sat up instantly, and looked desperately around for the source of the voice, and finally his eyes set on none other than his partner Lucinda Barry.

"Lucinda, how did you get in here?" Lassiter asked swinging his legs to the floor, hoping to deflect from the upcoming questions.

"You gave me a key for emergencies Carlton," Lucinda said walking up slowly to him. "And it was sure as hell a good thing I came, because it looked like you were about to shoot yourself!"

Lassiter hung his head in defeat, while Lucinda came to the couch and sat next to him.

"Carlton whatever it is, you can tell me," Lucinda encouraged placing a hand on Carlton's back, only to watch him stand up in response.

"Oh I must have accidently pointed it at myself while I was asleep," Lassiter said walking to the kitchen, mostly just to be out of there. "So what's up do we have a case or something? Give me the details."

"Bullshit Carlton. And no we do not have a case. I came because I wanted to talk to you about something, but you didn't even hear me knock. So my detective alarms went off," Lucinda explained as Lassiter poured himself a glass of water.

"To talk to me huh? Alright I'm all ears," Lassiter permitted after he downed the glass. He didn't want to have this conversation right now.

"I think we both know you need to go first," Lucinda said looking at him expectantly leaning on the doorway to the kitchen. "What's in your head?"

"I…" Lassiter began unsuccessfully as he sat the glass down on the counter. Lucinda out of everyone in Santa Barbra, was the one he wanted the least to know about his problems. Because she mattered the most since all of this began, and he wanted things to stay the same between them.

"Nothing you say will change what we have Carlton," Lucinda said after five minutes of silence.

"Yes it will…" Lassiter said his voice barely audible. "I'm a lie Lucinda."

"What do you mean?" Lucinda asked, watching Lassiter's back as he leaned over the kitchen counter.

"I mean… I mean I'm not invincible… Before I became head detective I was fighting with my wife, I let the stress of it get to me, and a little boy was kidnapped because of it…" Lassiter began. "I vowed that I'd never let my personal life affect my work again, after Vick tore me a new one. I came back, as the person I was back at the Department… but… the truth is Lucinda, I'm sick of being that person, but if I let myself be different I lose everything I have worked for. You're the only one who I feel I can call friend Lucinda… and I didn't want to lose that, at least not be alive to see it happen…" Lassiter finally admitted.

"Carlton, I never saw you as invincible. I saw you as a damn good detective, who is only human," Lucinda said making Lassiter turn and look her in the eyes for the first time that night. "You are strong, and are capable of great things, that I know isn't a lie. You would have that, with or without the mask. Being around people able who achieve great things can get to their heads, and make them forget in the end that person is just human. Conversely, those who can do great things, can get caught up in the glory, and forget to be human. Don't fall into that trap Carlton, you have every right to cry about all the crap in your life, it doesn't change the fact you are capable of great things. And tears won't change my opinion of you."

Lassiter felt the weight lift off his chest then, and he felt cold tears fall down his hot cheeks for the first time since before being kicked out.

Lucinda smiled at his tears, letting some of her own fall as she walked up to hug him. He didn't hesitate to hug her back, resting his chin on the top of Lucinda's head, enjoying the sparks of holding the one he knew he had hidden feelings for. For the first time in a long time, Lassiter felt right.

"Oh Lucinda, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" Lassiter asked stepping back from the hug, but not far enough to completely dislodge their hug.

Lucinda, just smiled and tilted her head, and kissed him.

Lassiter kissed her back, forgetting everything around them, and not becoming aware again, until the next morning, when they were wrapped up in each other's arms in Lassiter's bed.

He felt like he could fly.

"You tried to commit suicide?" Shawn asked shocked.

"Yes I did. All because I fell too deep in the same trap you got yourself into, and the one I am to an extent still climbing out of," Lassiter explained wiping away stray tears with his free hand. "You are as of now the only one who knows what almost happened that night, since Lucinda is gone. For the same reason you don't want anybody to know of your night terrors."

"You still don't want other's opinions to change about you," Shawn realized, a lump developing in his throat.

"Exactly, I'm still trying to convince myself that tears won't change anybody's opinion of me. But I also fell into another trap," Lassiter explained. "I became one of those people who forgot that people who do great things are still human. I'm sorry I made that mistake with you Shawn," Lassiter apologized turning to meet Shawn's eyes, his eyes trying to unsuccessfully to hide the awoken hurt.

"Carly you… couldn't have…" Shawn attempted unsuccessfully, losing his voice between the inevitable sobs.

Lassiter didn't say anything, just pulled Shawn in close to him, until Shawn's head was lying against his shoulder, and let the man cry.


	10. Lassiter Has An Epiphany

Good news everyone, the beta reader position has been filled! By the ever amazing: redwolffclaw! She is awesome, and it's thanks to her the story may now be free of any glaring mistakes, that I as an author whose mind writes faster than her pen, will fail to notice. Anyway without further ado, please enjoy the story!

~FortuneandCathfernaTH

The light rain had finally let up, and the first light of dawn was coming through the blinds of Shawn's window. Shawn had fallen asleep against him, likely a combination of exhaustion, relief, and the stress of so many tears. That had been over three hours ago, and Lassiter was relieved to see Shawn hadn't stirred once in his sleep. He definitely needed it after all, and if it meant that Lassiter had to remain perfectly still in a sitting position for an extended period of time, he was more than happy to comply. It gave him plenty of time to deal with his new epiphany.

He _loved_ Shawn. As soon as he revisited the memories of his first night with Lucinda and recalled the sparks he had when he first held her, then compared them to what he felt when holding the sleeping Shawn, Lassiter couldn't deny it. But why so sudden? With Lucinda, things developed overtime, though he spent the majority of the time denying his feelings, for the sake of the relationship with his wife. With Shawn, these feelings developed within a day, and it wasn't that he had minded that it happened.

He just wanted this love to be real, and not a product of the recent events that would end in both of them getting hurt. Shawn had been hurt enough…

Besides, what if Shawn didn't have the same feelings? Then everything would be too awkward for Lassiter to help him, and Lassiter was among the few in Shawn's life who knew how to help him with his problem, beyond the PTSD.

No, he couldn't act on these urges, they were just too sudden. Shawn's recovery had to come first, and if he was going to be staying with him until this was all over, it'd be easier if his feelings stayed hidden.

Or would it…?

Just sitting here with Shawn's head on his chest was making him crazy.

Then as if waiting for him to have this thought, Shawn's eyes began to open, and he looked up at Lassiter with a smile. "Good morning Carly," Shawn said sitting up and stretching.

Lassiter frowned. "I was hoping you'd sleep longer… You look like you need it. You've only been asleep for three hours."

"That's still three more than I have been getting, and from the looks of you, three more than you have gotten last night!" Shawn teased as he stood up and began to walk to his kitchen.

"Well forgive me for having a lot on my mind," Lassiter growled making Shawn laugh.

"I get it, just don't become an insomniac because of me," Shawn said opening the fridge and frowning. "I forgot that I need to go grocery shopping. So why don't we grab breakfast and then go to the store? If you're staying here, I should feed you."

"I'll pay for breakfast," Lassiter said standing up as well. "You already bought me two meals, I should repay the favor."

Another epiphany hit Lassiter as he looked down at himself. He hadn't brought any extra clothes. He'd just slept in his under shirt and boxers the night before, and with these new found feelings for Shawn, standing in the middle of Shawn's living room in underwear made Lassiter _very_ uncomfortable. Of course, he just had to drop pizza on his dress shirt from the suit he wore the day before. At least the pants were still clean.

He turned to Shawn and blushed, watching as the other man took an anti-depressant and realized that all Shawn was wearing were boxers with pineapples on them, exposing his broad shoulders and well-defined abs that Lassiter wanted to wrap his arms around and stroke.

Oh yeah… This was not going to be easy on him.

"Hey Shawn…" Lassiter began quickly turning away from the man.

"What's up?" Shawn asked, noting his back was turned to him.

"Do you think I could borrow a shirt and grab a shower?" Lassiter requested blushing. _'A cold one at that…' _Lassiter added in his head. At least he didn't have to borrow pants.

"Go ahead! Pick a shirt and I'll go find you some towels, so you don't have to run around wet all day," Shawn said walking to his hall closest.

Lassiter didn't even look at the shirt he was grabbing, just snatched it from the spinning rack and high tailed it to the bathroom. Fast enough to not look suspicious, while hoping to avoid the sight of Shawn's bare chest, which would hopefully be covered by the time he was out of the shower.

Setting the shirt on the sink, Lassiter rose his under shirt over his head, unaware that Shawn watched with a smile on his face.

"Here's a couple of towels, wash cloths are under the sink," Shawn informed, making Lassiter jump and turn in surprise. Shawn was only inches away from him.

"Thank you Shawn," Lassiter said keeping his under shirt mostly over his chest and staring just above Shawn's head.

Shawn noticed this too grinning inwardly, and knew what Lassiter was feeling. Lassiter was being shy, over polite, awkward, and having sudden reluctance to have any arousing parts of anatomy shown. Lassie had a crush on a certain fake psychic. Not that he had a doubt, but he knew the feelings had finally surfaced to his conscious, and Shawn was going to have him admit it by the end of the week.

"I'll leave you to it then," Shawn said turning around and shutting the door to the bathroom behind him. He then went to grab some clothes, plotting his plan of attack to get Lassie to confess.

Lassiter stood in the middle of the bathroom awkwardly for countless seconds, still holding his shirt like he was some teenage girl about to have her breasts seen by some unknowing stranger.

"Pull it together Carlton…" He sighed to himself, setting the undershirt on the sink, and doing the same with his boxers, fighting the anxiety of doing so every second.

He was now butt naked in Shawn's bathroom. This wouldn't have been so awkward yesterday or last night, if only he hadn't remembered that first night with Lucinda.

"Alright… Let's get this over with," Lassiter said to himself as he turned away from the door and stepped into the bathtub-shower combo.

Attempting to focus on the task at hand, Lassiter turned the water on, letting the lukewarm droplets rinse his body of the tension. He tried to clear his head of Shawn, but found himself unsuccessful when he began to lather his hair with shampoo.

"It smells like pineapple. No wonder Shawn always smells like pineapples…" Lassiter said thoughtfully, before shaking the thoughts away. _'Focus Carlton! You're ignoring these feelings, and if you keep thinking about Shawn it will only make it harder for you!' _

Finishing the shower without any more lingering thoughts, Lassiter picked up the towel and began to dry himself off, making sure to keep his eyes away from the hamper and the broken mirror. As he was slipping on his boxers, Lassiter made the unfortunate realization of the shirt he had borrowed from Shawn.

It was a green t-shirt with a giant pineapple on the front of it.

He couldn't wear his regular work pants with a t-shirt that had a giant pineapple on it! He'd look even more ridiculous than he already would be wearing Shawn's shirt and the smell of pineapple coming off his hair. The only way to fix this was to borrow a pair of Shawn's pants. If he was going to look unprofessional, might as well go all the way. Whether or not this was the actual case or that part of Lassiter's subconscious really wanted to get into Shawn's pants in some form, and was using this as a convenient excuse to do so, was something he decided not to dwell on.

Defeated, Lassiter opened the door; feeling exposed in his boxers, and looked out to find Shawn now fully clothed, scanning his kitchen and writing down items hastily on a list.

"Shawn…" Lassiter began making Shawn turn to him. Shawn had the audacity to grin. It pissed Lassiter off, but he managed to keep a lid on it.

"Yes Carly?" Shawn said his green eyes locked with Lassiter's blue.

"Can I borrow some pants too?" Lassiter asked trying not to look directly into his eyes, feeling like he would crumble under them.

"Why Carly if you wanted to get into my pants so bad you should have said so! Normally I don't put out until the third date, but I've known you for a while so I guess I can make an exception," Shawn said licking his lips suggestively. Lassiter felt his cheeks grow hot.

"If I wear my work pants I'll look stupid, that's all!" Lassiter complained as Shawn laughed.

"Oh alright, but just because you look so _sexy_ in my pineapple t-shirt, and I just really want to see you in casual clothes!" Shawn agreed making Lassiter narrow a glare at him.

"Don't make me shoot you! Because I will," Lassiter warned in as intimidating of a tone as he could manage while going to the clothes rack and snatching a pair of pants angrily. In his mind however, he was overjoyed Shawn had referred to him as sexy, even if Lassiter was in denial, and Shawn was more than likely joking.

The pants, Lassiter noted as he slipped them on, didn't even cover his ankles, but they would have to do. He turned back to Shawn who was still grinning at him.

"Gus is never going to believe this," Shawn said before walking up to Lassiter. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be I guess." Lassiter said snatching his wallet and car keys. "I feel ridiculous."

"If it's any consolation, I think you look really good in my clothes. Jeans look especially good on you," Shawn said as they began out to the car.

"Really?" Lassiter asked. Shawn sounded sincere, and it made Lassiter smile in spite of himself.

"Really," Shawn replied. "Now come on, I hear pineapple pancakes calling my name!"

'_Maybe I should wear jeans more often…_' Lassiter thought to himself as he got into the driver's side of the car.

Dear god he was starting to act like a teenage girl!

"Okay first thing we need is pineapple!" Shawn announced as he bounded into the store with Lassiter following close behind him with a cart.

"Don't you ever get sick of pineapple?" Lassiter asked as Shawn's eyes went wide in appalled shock.

"Don't speak such nonsense! You'll upset the pineapples!" Shawn said picking one up and stroking it, before putting it down gently in the cart.

"What the pineapples have spirits now too?" Lassiter said rolling his eyes.

"Yes Carly! They have the most tender spirits in the world! If you upset them they lose their good taste," Shawn warned as he glanced down at his list again. "Onward to bread!" Shawn said pointing to the bread isle.

That's when Lassiter froze in his tracks.

"What's wrong Carly?" Shawn said once he noticed the lack of footsteps following him. "Oh no did the angry pineapple spirits take over your body?! I'll save you!" Shawn said as he wrapped his arms around Lassiter's waist and began to gently squeeze.

Lassiter didn't even notice Shawn make this movement, because walking towards him, with little Iris holding her hand, was Chief Vick.

"Detective Lassiter, I was of the understanding that you were helping a friend recover from a heart attack," the Chief informed him, staring him down with that "explain yourself" glare she was infamous for. "Instead you're here with Mr. Spencer, wearing his clothes I might add."

"I… I can explain!" Lassiter insisted as the Chief let go of her daughters hand and crossed her arms.

"Please do," the Chief replied as Lassiter opened his mouth, but found words would not come out.

"Allow me to explain on Carlton's behalf Chief, as our Head Detective here cannot seem to speak, due to the angry pineapple spirits in his body. Yesterday when he came by to check on me via your orders, he found me unconscious," Shawn explained. He'd assumed that's why Lassiter came, because he normally avoided that place like the plague.

"Unconscious? Lassiter you told me Shawn was fine!" The Chief said glaring at Lassiter again, who found himself still unable to form words.

"That's because I asked him to lie to you Chief," Shawn explained pulling the chief slightly away from her daughter to tell the rest the story secretly.

"Listen, what happened was that the spirits have made sleep impossible for nine days straight. Well I decided to take some sleeping pills, but by that point I was so tired that I kept forgetting if I had taken the pills, and accidently overdosed. Thankfully, Lassie there figured it out, and saved me from near death. This last part may sound selfish, but I told him not to tell you because I didn't want to worry you. He's been staying with me on my behalf, so if you're mad at anybody be mad at me," Shawn requested as the Chief looked back at Lassiter and stared at him.

"Alright Mr. Spencer I believe you," The Chief said walking back over to Lassiter who was now looking hopelessly at the ground. "Keep an eye on Shawn for me Carlton. You have as much paid vacation as you need- _just update me…"_ She whispered to him as she took Iris's hand and began to walk away again.

"Will do Chief," Lassiter said as she passed. He turned back to Shawn whose hand was now clutching the cart, as he stared at the floor.

"I don't think she bought it," Shawn sighed not even looking up at Lassiter.

"Claiming spirits would have been believable, but she has too much experience with these situations… You alright?" Lassiter asked as Shawn smiled.

"Am I happy that she knows? No. But as I've been told, I have a right to be human. Now to the bread!" Shawn announced pumping his fist forward.

Lassiter followed two steps later. Shawn was being honest with him, opening up in a way he wouldn't with anyone else, he'd even saved him from the Chief's wrath by exposing the partial truth.

He couldn't help but feel his love deepen for Shawn, in spite of his brain telling his heart otherwise. Lassiter just hoped he could keep his mouth shut about it, for both their sakes.


	11. Shawn Shoots Things Here

Hello again fellow readers! Here is the next chapter, please enjoy, feel free to leave a review, and remember I love you all!

Enjoy!

~FortuneandCathfernaTH

"You know, you and I should go back to your place and just go at it!" Shawn said as they sat together in the car, going back to Shawn's place.

"Wait what?" Lassiter said turning so red Shawn couldn't help but laugh.

"I said we should go by your place so that you can grab stuff you might need. I don't think you want to borrow my clothes every day," Shawn lied as Lassiter nodded. "What did you think I said?"

"Nothing…" Lassiter said making a turn toward his street.

Lassiter was going crazy; every time he let his mind wander to Shawn, the psychic would say something, and Lassiter would mishear it into something sexual. The first time he _thought_ Shawn asked if he had condoms and lube on him, when he'd actually asked if he liked cracked wheat bread or white. The second time Lassiter misinterpreted the phrase: Would you like to watch a movie tonight? With: I bet my tongue can beat up your tongue. Lassiter was still trying to figure out how he even remotely got that one. It was like Shawn was purposely speaking right when Lassiter's thoughts on the man were at their most distracting and sexual.

There was only one way to solve situations like this! Okay- there were two ways, but Lassiter wasn't going there! And that was going to the shooting range and shooting something.

"Say Shawn, what would you say about going to the shooting range?" Lassiter asked once they reached a stop light.

"You're actually inviting me to the shooting range?" Shawn asked, a sly grin coming to his face.

"Not the police one of course. But the public one couple of miles from my house," Lassiter offered as Shawn laughed.

"Sure, Gus and I go there all the time," Shawn agreed as Lassiter cocked an eyebrow.

"You know how to work a gun?" Lassiter asked with disbelief.

"Are you forgetting about the time you told me: Good shooting _detective_?" Shawn reminded him, emphasizing the word detective.

"Oh God you're not going to let me forget that are you?" Lassiter said annoyed. "That was just a lucky couple of shots! I'll show you some real shooting!"

"Whatever you say Carly," Shawn said rolling his eyes and staring at the traffic light in front of them.

Lassiter's thoughts wandered back to that day again. Shawn had been brave throughout the entire ordeal of being kidnapped, based on the witness statement Shawn had given him in writing later that following week. His bravery was intoxicating to Lassiter, with the way he'd just untied himself from the back of the truck, and jumped onto Lassiter's brand new police issued vehicle. Of course Lassiter was a little pissed at the time, but was more relieved that Shawn was within his reach. Remembering that time made Lassiter want to slowly stroke Shawn's heroic muscles, until he casually slipped his hands-

"I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated," Shawn suddenly said as Lassiter's face went bright red.

"Wait what?!" Lassiter demanded as Shawn pointed up at the traffic light.

"I said the light is green, and we should go," Shawn said as Lassiter quickly stepped his foot on the gas and bypassed the turn to his house went straight toward the shooting range.

He definitely needed to shoot something!

"We don't have anything that needs to get in the fridge immediately right?" Lassiter asked not noticing he was slightly over the speed limit.

With a smirk Shawn replied, "No."

"Good, then let's go to the shooting range first!" Lassiter said making a violent turn to the shooting range.

…

There was never a time in his life, that Lassiter was so happy to have a gun in his hand, than right there in the shooting range with a target in front of him. This time even bypassed the multiple times he had to pull one in defense whenever a criminal tried to kill him.

Shooting gave Lassiter a clear head; surely it would help with his new tension with Shawn. He looked to him in the next lane, currently slipping on the necessary protection.

"So Carly, how's about we make a little wager," Shawn said with a sly grin. "Whoever makes the best shot wins. If I win, you cook dinner tonight. If you win, I will. What do you say?"

"I say dust off your apron Shawn, because you're going to lose," Lassiter said as he pointed the gun at the stationary target, and aimed at the center chest.

He emptied the chamber, managing to land all but three shots in the center circle, and one just out of circle on the target's head. Lassiter smiled. "Beat that Shawn," Lassiter challenged putting in a new round.

He watched as Shawn smirked, before taking aim and firing all shots cleanly in the center of the target, and one in the center of its head.

"Ho-ly shit Shawn!" Lassiter said his mouth dropping open as he walked up to Shawn, who smiled.

"I told you I know how to work a gun. I can do it one handed too if you'd like to see. Either hand, pick one," Shawn said replacing the round.

"How did you do that?" Lassiter asked as Shawn shook his head.

"A lot of practice when I was younger, how else do you think I got so good at Police Trainer?" Shawn asked reminding him of their time at the arcade just a couple of days ago and coming within three inches of the detective's face.

Lassiter didn't seem to notice. "I thought it was just a fluke… You're really good at this," Lassiter complimented, suddenly determined to beat him. "Alright Shawn, this time if you manage to beat me, I will not only cook dinner, but I will cook you pineapple upside down cake!"

"You're giving me true incentive Carly! Do you even know how to make pineapple upside down cake?" Shawn asked cocking the gun and aiming.

"Yes I do, not that I'll need it," Lassiter said as both men began shooting at once.

Sure enough, when they went to compare, Shawn's shots were right on the money.

"So... that wasn't just dumb luck." Lassiter said with disbelief. Now he had to cook! He hated cooking- At least the shooting had done its job, because he didn't find his mind wandering back to Shawn in that not-so-clean way.

"Looks like you're making me pineapple upside down cake Carly!" Shawn said grinning much more than Lassiter thought necessary.

"Oh shut up." Lassiter growled aiming again. "I can guarantee you by the end of the hour I'll be able to make those exact same shots!" Upon saying this, he emptied the round, still making three shots out of their mark. He growled, and put in another, aaimed, and was ready to shoot again, when a pair of hands rested atop his wrists.

Maybe the shooting hadn't done what Lassiter hoped it would.

"You're never going to get it just aiming and firing like that. It depends on the wrists just as much as it depends on the elbows," Shawn said into his ear, making Lassiter's breathing hitch. Shawn's breath was hot against his neck, his hard chest pressed firmly against Lassiter's back, sparks coming at Lassiter stronger than they had ever been. All Lassiter could think was that if this were anyone else, he'd probably slap them. With Shawn though, all he wanted was to have him closer…

Twenty seconds later, Lassiter came back into reality to find Shawn still standing there holding his wrists. Lassiter's cheeks were hot, and he quickly begun shooting at the target in an attempt to distract Shawn from the fact he had just been standing there.

When the round was empty, Lassiter could feel Shawn smile as his hands dropped and he backed away slowly from him. Lassiter didn't look up at the target, just looked at the ground. 'Dammit Shawn you're not helping!' Lassiter thought irritated, as his face began to glow again. Why did Shawn always have to invade his personal space?

"See, all in the wrists!" Shawn said suddenly making Lassiter look up to find several shots in the middle circle, and one in the head.

"I did it!" Lassiter said a rare grin taking over his face.

"Just because I taught you how to do that doesn't mean you're off the hook for dessert." Shawn replied as he went back to his own lane and emptied another clip.


	12. I Have No Name For This Chapter

Hello again fellow readers! Thanks to you, I have accumulated 4,606 views on this story alone, and I cannot tell you how amazing this makes me feel! I love you all, and thank you everyone who has followed and posted reviews, and I'll see you next Friday!

~FortuneandCathfernaTH

* * *

"_Lassie!" _Shawn yelled as his eyes settled on Lassiter's bloody body. The detective's arm was still moving.

"_Spencer…" _Lassiter said weakly, and Shawn began to run to him, only to hear a gun cock in his ear.

"_Sorry Shawnie," _Yang's voice rang, making Shawn turn to find the murderous woman standing behind him, pointing a gun right at Lassiter's head.

"_You… You can't take Lassie from me… You can't take everybody away!" _Shawn yelled, as he made a lunge toward Lassiter, right as Yang shot the gun.

The next thing Shawn knew he was sitting on the bathroom floor, leaning against the bathroom counter, his right hand occupied by another that felt warm and comforting. The ceiling above him was spinning and he felt like he was burning on the inside. He couldn't breathe but in short breaths. His heart was beating so fast he could swear it would explode, which wasn't unlikely considering how badly his chest hurt.

"Everyone is okay Shawn," Lassiter's said softly, making Shawn turn his head to meet his eyes.

"Carly… You're safe…" Shawn said between hyperventilating breaths, letting Lassiter gently pull him to his feet. As soon as they were standing, Shawn's arms wrapped around Lassiter, feeling the sting of tears roll down his already wet face.

Lassiter returned the gesture. "I'm safe… You're safe… You're okay," Lassiter assured him, squeezing gently. "Everyone is safe."

After a few minutes, Lassiter had Shawn safely on the couch, holding against his forehead a wet wash cloth.

"Come on Shawn, in one… two… out one… two…" Lassiter encouraged, as Shawn attempted to parallel his breaths to Lassiter's count. After a little while, Shawn's breathing was stabilized, and his chest no longer hurt. Guess he had to give Gus's Lamaze breathing credit.

'Twenty minutes…' Lassiter thought to himself, as the last symptoms of Shawn's panic attack began to pass.

The now silence between them was deafening.

It had been two days and three nights since their day at the shooting range, and Lassiter's feelings had only gotten stronger. It got to the point he found himself sitting closer to Shawn when they were together on the couch, or finding himself absently grabbing and holding Shawn's hand when they left his apartment for lunch or dinner, often not noticing until they got to the car. When Lassiter did these things, Shawn let him do it. The days were, if Lassiter would admit it, brighter than they had ever been with Victoria or Lucinda, even if this love would not be acted upon.

At night however, Shawn was getting progressively worse. Lassiter had been timing his panic attacks, and measuring their intensity. They were increasing time wise, and their growing intensity was visibly present in Shawn. He would tremble uncontrollably now, and the exhaustion was taking obvious tolls on both of them. Lassiter could deal with it, but Shawn had been almost thirteen nights with little restful sleep and was becoming paler by the day.

It was starting to worry Lassiter to the point of becoming an insomniac himself, with or without Shawn's screaming waking him. But what could Lassiter really do? He promised to help Shawn, but he was getting worse, and Lassiter didn't know what to do aside from help Shawn through his panic attacks by becoming the strong one for the time being.

"I'm so tired…" Shawn said suddenly his voice hoarse, and out of breath. "I can't keep doing this Carly…"

"This won't go on forever," Lassiter promised him as Shawn put his head in his hands.

"Yeah you're right… I'll die of exhaustion eventually," Shawn informed him. There was slight malice to his voice now, something Lassiter knew was a side effect of both PTSD and sleep deprivation.

"No you won't, we'll think of something. We'll get these dreams to stop," Lassiter assured him as Shawn sat up again, revealing his face, still wet from tears. Seeing this, Lassiter grabbed Shawn's hand squeezed hard. "We will get through this Shawn," Lassiter assured him, "one way or another."

Shawn nodded leaning his head back against the couch. He was desperate for these dreams to stop, he needed to sleep, but sleep wasn't safe anymore. Even as he thought this though, his eyes began to close.

Lassiter watched as Shawn fall asleep, and soon felt his own eyes start to close. He hated to have to make the suggestion for therapy if Shawn didn't get better. Lassiter knew this problem needed specialized help, but didn't know how open to the idea Shawn would be. Both of them were desperate, and Lassiter still wouldn't leave until he was better. Maybe not even after that.

Lassiter looked at Shawn through sleep hazy vision, fighting to keep his eyes open. His last conscious thought escaped to his lips, and he let them shut, since Shawn was already asleep.

"I won't leave you Shawn…" Lassiter said as he entered the realms of a dream.

Unknown to Lassiter, Shawn's eyes were closed, but he was _not_ asleep. He gave an easy smile and came in closer to Lassiter, leaning his head on his shoulder, feeling himself enter a dream that was, for once, not horrible.

...

Gus couldn't help but feel uneasy as he scanned the airport for Henry. Throughout the entire flight all Gus thought about was Shawn, and the fact that he was on Zoloft. He'd run through all of the uses of Zoloft over and over in his head, and none of them seemed to apply to Shawn. There was the treatment of Depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, social anxiety disorder, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, panic disorder, and posttraumatic stress disorder.

He could knock out obsessive-compulsive disorder because Shawn never cleaned anything in the first place and he could rule out premenstrual dysphoric disorder unless he'd been having sleepovers with a woman who looked a lot like a guy. Gus also knew from spending so much time with Shawn, that he in no way had social anxiety disorder, so that option was gone. As much as Gus wished Shawn had panic disorder sometimes, it would certainly make their lives at work a lot safer, he knew Shawn didn't have it. The only two options left were Depression and Posttraumatic stress disorder. He knew it couldn't be PTSD, because Shawn was Shawn, and almost never took anything seriously enough to traumatize him.

Then that left Depression, but that deduction perplexed Gus. When something upset Shawn, like when his parents got divorced, he lashed out. He didn't sit at home and cry about it, and aside from being a little off when he left him, Shawn didn't seem depressed. It just didn't make sense, and it was exactly the reason why Gus abandoned his company trip and came right back to Santa Barbra.

"Gus!" He heard Henry yell, making him turn to find the elder Spencer walking up to him.

"Mr. Spencer," Gus greeted. "Have you heard from Shawn since the dinner?"

"No, his phone goes straight to voice mail, so for all I know he's skipped town again." Henry replied grabbing one of Gus's bags and began to walk back to the car. Gus trailed behind him.

"Let's hope not," Gus said frowning. "Drop me off at my house so that I can pick up my car and go look for Shawn." He got into the truck.

"I don't know why he insists on telling me nothing Gus! The kid is impossible," Henry complained as he backed the truck out of the parking space.

Henry continued rambling, but all Gus did was nod at the right moments and keep his eyes focused on the road, toning Henry out. He hated conversations with Henry when he was this mad, and seven am was too early of a time to even think of pointing out that he didn't exactly take Shawn's feelings with much regard in the first place. That was probably part of the reason Shawn didn't tell him what was wrong.

They were driving past the Psych office when Gus noticed Shawn's motorcycle parked in the parking lot.

"Stop the truck," Gus said suddenly not moving his eyes from the motorcycle.

"Why?" Henry asked but pulling over anyway.

Gus didn't answer him, just unbuckled his seat belt and began to walk to the Psych office. "I'll call you later Mr. Spencer…" Gus called back over his shoulder.

Henry watched him perplexed for a moment, but then saw Shawn's bike parked in the lot of the office, and nodded slowly in understanding before pulling out into the road again.

At least Shawn was still in town.

...

As Gus attempted to enter the Psych office, he was surprised to find it locked. _Why would the office be locked if Shawn was in it? His bike was here, so Shawn had to be…_

He bent down and retrieved the key under the mat, since he left his keys in his bag that was currently riding in Henry's truck. Ultimately not the smartest move on Gus's part, but he was concerned for his best friend, so if he forget a few things here and there, whatever.

Stepping into the office, Gus couldn't help but feel like something had happened. Most of the office looked just like he'd left it, Gus noted, as his eyes settled on his open Pharmaceutical bag sitting upon his desk.

The only difference is… it was closed when he left it.

Walking up to it, he began to do a thorough search of its contents, and found a bottle of sleeping pills missing from the bag, based on the inventory list he had. He looked around for Shawn again, and in his search, found the missing bottle on the floor by Shawn's desk.

"What's that doing over here?" Gus asked himself picking up the open bottle. "And why is it empty?" Gus was perplexed now.

Empty bottle…

Shawn on Zoloft…

Shawn just a little off when he left…

"Oh my God!" Gus said in sudden realization, right as he heard footsteps approach the front door to the office.


	13. Reactions

Hey sorry about the cliff hanger I held you all off of, I was participating in novel november, and got distracted. I'm very sorry!

Please enjoy, review, favorite, follow, whatever you see fit! I love you all!

Enjoy!

~FortuneandCathfernaTH

* * *

As Lassiter observed Shawn throughout the morning, he couldn't help but sense something amiss with the psychic. He seemed normal, or at least as normal as a horribly sleep deprived Shawn with PTSD could be, but Lassiter felt something about him was _more_ off and the feeling only increased as the morning continued. Lassiter decided that the best thing to do was to make sure Shawn stayed at the apartment and rested. He told Shawn this, and Shawn agreed, and yet that morning, Shawn somehow convinced Lassiter that they needed to go down to the Psych office to pick up Shawn's copy of the _Breakfast Club_.

At first Lassiter thought Shawn said they had to go to the Psych office and pick up his copy of _Flash dance_, and that was the last movie Lassiter needed to watch right now with his hormones aching for Shawn. The movie was provocative enough on its own, without having Shawn close to him on the couch. Knowing Shawn, he'd probably even get up and mimic the dance moves, exhausted or not.

"I can't believe you've never seen the _Breakfast Club_!" Shawn complained as Lassiter drove them to the Psych office.

"I've seen enough to know that it promotes children to be delinquents. They were a bunch of students in Saturday detention that's all," Lassiter informed him as Shawn's mouth dropped.

"That is sooo not all Carly! That is so beyond not all, it's inexcusable!" Shawn informed him crossing his arms. "Thankfully I have a copy of it in my desk! You cannot judge a movie by the first few minutes Carly, it's a classic, and I have a feeling you'll like it as much as I do!"

"We're driving to get it aren't we? I'm willing to watch it for you, even if I know it'll make me cringe," Lassiter informed him, as they pulled into the parking lot.

"And you won't regret it Carly!" Shawn assured him as they got out and proceeded to the Psych office.

"I certainly hope not," Lassiter said rolling his eyes, but smiling regardless, as Shawn opened the door and they walked in.

As they entered the main office, Shawn's footsteps paused, and Lassiter soon saw why. Standing in the middle of the office, was none other than Burton Guster, who looked up at Shawn with a broken face, holding the empty bottle.

'_Shit.'_ Was all Lassiter thought.

"Gus! I wasn't expecting you until next week," Shawn said his voice showing obvious signs of a mix of shock and hurt. Lassiter didn't have to look straight at him to know the foreign look of terror was back on Shawn's face.

"I came back early…" Gus said flatly, his stare unmoving from Shawn's eyes. "And I'm glad I did."

"Dude you're missing out on free food and a ski trip, why would you possibly be glad you came back early?" Shawn asked in attempts to deflect from the situation.

"Your father called me Shawn," Gus said, not beating around the bush, as Shawn gave an angry sigh.

"And he told you I was on medication didn't he?" Shawn said as Lassiter watched him walk to his desk and sit on the edge of it. "Figures."

He saw sweat begin to develop on the Psychic's face.

"What was he supposed to do Shawn? You wouldn't tell him anything," Gus informed him, as Shawn began to feel unbearably hot.

"Yeah because it's so easy to tell my dad what my problems are," Shawn said quickly whipping his hand across his forehead.

"I'll give you that one, but you should have known you could have come to me!" Gus informed him, as Lassiter kept his eyes solely on Shawn, who's sweating was only getting worse.

"It's not that easy for me Gus!" Shawn informed him, looking at the floor, as he shut his eyes tightly.

"Shawn," Lassiter said beginning to worry, but his words were lost as Gus began to raise his voice.

"I'm your best friend Shawn," Gus reminded him. "I don't understand how you couldn't open up to me! What is going on?"

"I'm just not ready to talk about it Gus," Shawn attempted, not looking up at him.

Shawn was starting to look ghostly pale, and before Lassiter knew it he was at Shawn's side. He interlaced a hand through Shawn's without even thinking of the witnesses, and Shawn didn't respond to it, just stared in a heavy sweat at the floor.

"Right and I'm supposed to wait until you're ready, while you try to commit suicide!" Gus complained and tossed the empty bottle of sleeping pills at him, which Shawn barely caught.

Shawn suddenly looked up at his best friend with a glare, and stood up, breaking from Lassiter's hand in the progress. "I did _not_ try to commit suicide! Don't make assumptions like that!" Shawn yelled, feeling his head begin to spin. Gus's anger melted quickly into concern, seeming to now recognize Shawn's sickly appearance.

"Shawn," Gus attempted softly reaching out to touch his friend, who just punched Gus in the arm and as his eyes clouded over in anger and something else Gus couldn't identify.

"Ya know what ? I can't even have you near me right now! You are my best friend, and as such you should know I'm not going to break down my defenses at your command! Ganging up on me isn't going to make me do shit," Shawn informed him plainly as he backed up against the desk again beginning to breathe heavily. "I… Carly…"

"Shawn what's wrong?" Lassiter asked immediately, his own panic beginning to set in as the Psychic's eyes glazed over in defocus.

Shawn didn't respond, didn't even register Lassiter's voice. Instead his eyes closed and his head tilted ever slightly back as his knees began to buckle under him. He suddenly fell quickly to the floor.

"Shawn!" Gus panicked reaching out to catch him, but didn't manage to.

Because one Carlton Lassiter had already caught him with blurring speed, that impressed Gus to no end.


	14. Theory Based On The Super Sniffer

"Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! OH GOD!" Gus panicked as he paced around the hospital waiting room, annoying Lassiter to no end.

"Guster, sit down and be quiet or I will shoot you!" Lassiter threatened as Gus turned to where Lassiter was sitting in the chair, ringing his hands together. Gus just glared at him.

"Shawn is my best friend Lassiter! You may not care that he's here, but I do!" Gus said as Lassiter looked up and gave him a look so hard Gus actually turned to glance back down at his shoes.

"I _do_ care Guster! Shawn is my friend too. If he wasn't I wouldn't be here!" Lassiter informed him plainly. "I am just as worried as you are, but standing around panicking is not going to do Shawn any good. He needs us to be the strong ones right now, and you are not fulfilling that role as a best friend should. So make like a best friend and sit."

Defeated, Gus sat down next to Lassiter and laid his head face down in his hands, letting out an agitated breath that soon followed several sobs.

Lassiter felt bad for driving poor Gus to tears, but he was too worried about Shawn to do anything about it. They'd brought Shawn here after he collapsed over an hour ago, and they still weren't allowed to go in and see him. They weren't told a single thing pertaining to his condition. It made Lassiter's heart ache, to the point he himself was ready to cry, but he wasn't going to, at least not here.

Shawn was going to be okay. He had to be. Losing him was not an option. Lassiter loved him, even if he'd never, ever, ever, admit it aloud, he loved Shawn more than he'd ever loved Lucinda or Victoria. To hell with why the feelings arose, even if the feelings were likely to fade when Shawn became strong again, it didn't change how Lassiter felt now. When Lassiter loved someone, he didn't let them slip through his fingers without doing everything he could to have them not to! So god dammit, Shawn was going to be okay!

He _had _to be okay.

"I should have seen it Lassiter," Gus said suddenly, breaking Lassiter from his thoughts and making him turn his head. "I should have seen something was wrong with Shawn! I should have seen that he was depressed, that he was going to try suicide, that he was going to try it again-."

"Stop right there Guster. Shawn told you, he didn't try to commit suicide, and that isn't what this is," Lassiter informed him. Despite being his best friend, it was obvious Gus didn't trust Shawn's words very much.

"How do you know?" Gus demanded looking up from his hands; his face was wet with tears, and before Lassiter could answer, Gus began to speak again.

"I'm sorry… I'm just hurt that Shawn wouldn't tell me what was wrong… And you know that he said he didn't want me anywhere near him." Gus admitted burying his face again. "He's never pushed me away Lassiter! I was always the one he came to; I've been there for him since we were practically babies! I don't know what went wrong…"

"Look Gus, I can almost guarantee there is nothing really wrong between you and Shawn, other than you two are both idiots. Shawn…" Lassiter trailed off, trying to find something to tell Gus that would reassure him without breaking Shawn's trust. "Shawn just needs you to be patient with him, and be there for him when he's ready. It's not that he doesn't trust you, it's just a side effect of what he is going through-"

"What is going on Lassiter? And why do you know so much?" Gus asked his voice regaining strength.

"I don't feel like that's my place to tell Guster. I _will_ tell you that he is safe," Lassiter told him as Gus nodded solemnly.

"God this is killing me…" Gus said falling back into his chair and staring at the ceiling. A few seconds later, his head turned back to Lassiter. "Thank you Lassiter."

"For?" Lassiter asked confused. He hadn't really done anything, at least under Guster's eyes.

"For staying with Shawn and keeping an eye on him," Gus replied with a smile as Lassiter blinked.

"I never told you that I was staying with Shawn," Lassiter said annoyed. If Gus was going to say he was psychic now too, he was going to slap him. A; because if he was, he should have known what was going on, and B; Lassiter was just not in the mood.

Gus's smile grew, and he pointed at his nose. "Super sniffer, you're wearing Shawn's shampoo. I know since you usually use lavender and now smell like Pineapple. I put the rest of pieces together myself, so I figure something happened along the lines of you found Shawn after he downed the bottle of pills, and have been staying with him ever since. Either that, or you two recently got romantically involved." Gus snorted "But since I know you wouldn't develop those feelings for Shawn, I'm pretty sure my first theory is correct." Lassiter felt his heart sink a little.

"That was the most under supported theory I have ever heard," Lassiter said angrily looking down at the floor. "You wouldn't have even been able to get a warrant on something as simple as a change in shampoos and you just based a whole fucking theory on a smell!"

"But?" Gus said hopefully, ignoring the detective's outburst.

Lassiter sighed.

"_Not __**entirely**_inaccurate…" Lassiter replied as Gus gave a light laugh.

"The super sniffer never fails. So wait, what have you been telling the chief?" Gus asked sitting up straight at the thought of Lassiter staying away from work and the chief letting him.

"I told you I had a lot of time saved up, and plus the chief knows a bit of what's going on. So I'm on paid leave until further notice," Lassiter replied as Gus smiled again.

"I didn't give you enough credit Lassiter, you really are Shawn's friend," Gus applauded, giving Lassiter a pat on the back.

"Just because I don't care most of time, doesn't mean I don't all of time. Sometimes things and people affect us," Lassiter said in barely above a whisper. "I'm only human, you're only human, and Shawn is only human. Just think on that before you make assumptions about those around you."

Gus opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted as the same doctor that Shawn had last time, approached them. His face was unreadable, and it made Lassie extremely uneasy.

"How is he?" Lassiter demanded standing up from his chair.

"He appears to have passed out due to stress and exhaustion. Make sure he gets some rest tonight," The doctor explained as Lassiter gave a sigh of relief, as Gus stood up from the chair.

"When can we take him home?" Gus asked as the doctor gave a small smile.

"Just as soon as he wakes up again, he's in room 333 if you'd like to go visit him," the doctor replied as Lassiter encountered a problem. He knew that Shawn was likely to have the dream again, and with Gus here, he knew the last thing Shawn would want would to have Gus see him in a state of panic. But it wasn't like he could just tell Guster to get lost and let him take care of it, that was his life-long best friend in there. Even if Lassiter did have a reason to, he didn't think he had the heart to lock Gus away from Shawn.

"Thank you again Doctor… What's your name anyway?" Gus asked.

"Dr. Dire," he replied. "Call if anything seems to get worse or if you have any other questions." Dr. Dire then departed, giving a lingering look at Lassiter, who just glared at him. At least Dr. Dire had kept Lassiter's threat under good measure, and hadn't mentioned to Gus what happened before, and hell he had a name now in case Dr. Dire did slip up.

Now what to do about Gus, and more importantly, what to do about Shawn, as Lassiter wasn't sure if he could go through this again, especially not to someone he lusted for. Panic attacks in the middle of the night sure, PTSD side effects sure, but not Shawn in the hospital collapsed from exhaustion. He should have guessed that was the problem in the first place, but it wasn't like Lassiter could fix it, he just flat out didn't have the skills to stop the night terrors.

Lassiter sighed heavily. He'd come to the conclusion before, but Lassiter knew he had to insist Shawn do this now. If it meant possibly having Shawn push him away, when he was in the rare position of having him open up, Lassiter was just going to have to take the risk. Even if he did, Lassiter wouldn't leave him, like it or not he loved Shawn, and he wasn't giving up.

Now if only he could figure out a way to convince Gus to leave Shawn's side, even when Gus knew the fragile position Shawn was in.

The solution was provided for him.

"Go ahead Lassiter," Gus said suddenly making Lassiter turn to him. Gus was looking sadly down at his shoes again.

"You know more about this than I do. And you both made it pretty clear that Shawn just needs some space. So, as painful as it is, I'm trusting you with my best friend, and doing my best to stay out of it until he's ready to bring me into it. Right now, you're the closest one to him, and if you hurt him, I will not hesitate in hurting you back," Gus said his voice deep with threat in the last statement. Lassiter nodded, he didn't really have to fear any serious physical harm from Guster, but he knew to take him seriously when it came to Shawn. He'd hate to put Shawn's best friend in jail.

"I'll do my best to keep Mr. Spencer at bay, that's what I'll do to help him for now," Gus promised giving a small smile as he looked up at Lassiter. "Go see Shawn; I know he wants to see you more than he wants to see me."

"Thank you Gus," Lassiter said giving a gentle smile back, as Gus nodded and began to exit without another word, Lassiter watching each step.

As soon as Gus was out of sight, Lassiter took in deep, staggering, breath, as an overwhelming sense of sadness began to befall him. He fought the need for tears as he walked down the hall to room 333, using most of his strength not to break out into a run. He was scarcely aware of his surroundings, and was surprised at how quickly he had ended up in front of Shawn's room.

'Pull it together Carlton…' Lassiter thought to himself as he opened the door, and pulled back the privacy curtain in front of it.

It was too much like before. Shawn's pale face was turned towards him, the dark circles were collected under his eyes, his entire face was lifeless to the point it was bone chilling. Lassiter walked up to Shawn's bedside, one of his hands interlaced with Shawn's, while the other traveled down Lassiter's face in agonized frustration. _This_ couldn't happen again. He couldn't let this continue in a violent circle. Neither of them would survive.

He felt Shawn's hand tighten around his, making Lassiter look up to find Shawn slowly opening his eyes. "Hey Carly…" Shawn's voice said wearingly. "What happened?"

Lassiter looked down again, tightening his hold.

"You passed out at the Psych office… Guster and I took you to the Emergency Room… The doctor said it was likely a combination of stress and exhaustion..." Lassiter explained his voice quiet in attempts to keep it even. "He went home though… Said that he was going to keep Henry at bay for you, and stay out of it until you were ready to involve him."

"Good old Gus… I can't believe I yelled at him like that… He was just scared, and he didn't deserve it… He was just being a good friend… I'm not even sure what made me say that in the first place…" Shawn explained releasing tears.

"It's the side effects of PTSD, sometimes you'll push close people away from you because of it. It's normal." Lassiter assured him gently, not looking up at him. It was too painful to do so.

Minutes passed in silence, before finally, Lassiter let his own tears fall, and Shawn brushed Lassiter's hand gently with his thumb, until the detective finally looked up at him in the eyes.

"This can't happen again Shawn," Lassiter said with as much strength as he could muster. "You need more help than I can give you," Lassiter began as Shawn nodded.

"I know Carlton…" Shawn said earnestly, as Lassiter relaxed. "I don't want to put you or Gus through this again… So I'll go, if you promise you'll come with me," Shawn requested giving a weak smile, which Lassiter returned.

"I promise," Lassiter said right as Dr. Dire walked in.

"Oh good Mr. Spencer you're awake," Dr. Dire greeted with a half-smile. "I was just coming to check on you."

"Glad you're here doc," Shawn said. "Is that therapist you mentioned good with PTSD?"


End file.
